Ocho = Túpac Amaru II

this week's quiz
1. wait, how was he a mestizo? Doesn't Español + Castiza = Español?

2. why isn't his name spelled Tupaq Amaru?


so this one is actually more 'bout other people/organizations that have the same name, but whatever. They are forever inextricably linked and do form a pretty bad-ass team. Ere this one evolved to include so many folks, had intended to flash some other same name duos,




but since they are only tag team partners, it wouldn't really be fair to pit 'em against the entire Túpac Amaru army

this week also marked the first time that I corrected dude's wikipedia page. Nothing major, and the articles are only Start-Class, but still. Just so happened that this coincided with my insane genealogy researching, so I rattled off a few citations.[1] Absolutely unnecessary and completely over-the-top, but whatever

the most monumental innovation this week was that I learned how to download and crop and insert youtube clips. Last week I learned how to do screen captures, and figured that would be sufficient, but apparently now I am capable of inserting humorous videos as well. Did a google image search for "rape and pillage" but surprisingly was unable to find anything comedic. "Pillage" "riot" "mob" "revolution" and all them resulted in similarly disappointing results. None of the Reginald Denny pics were really all that iconic either. Then I had the genius idea of using pre-reformed Bobcat Goldthwaith and his gang from the Police Academy movies. Still no google image results. Spent a bit of time substantiating my vague recollections of his character (who's name I learned was Zed) and realized that he didn't make an appearance 'til the first of the six sequels. Found a very appropriate clip from the original film though. I really like the Police Academy movies, and their cartoon used to be on DC20 weekday afternoons right before Ninja Turtles. Anywhoo . . . here is Jonesy's official website [2]

my encapsulation of T.A. Shakur's life is pretty good too. Don't mention the Panthers, but I got Baltimore School for the Arts, the inspiration for a coupla his roses that grew from concrete, his discovery in Marin City, C. Delorus Tucker, the lifestyle, and conspiracy theories regarding his death. Plus facial tattoo Mike Tyson to smirking Dick Chaney has gotta be best one of the best cuts in film editing history


notes

[1] also cited the same things on Túpac Amaru's page. Someone had actually changed the great-grandfather versus great-great-great-grandfather thing on II's page a few days prior to my correction

[2] was pretty sloppy drunk while reading Jonesy's official website, but the following nonetheless caught my attention:

"and featured in him in the famous EVENING AT THE IMPROV (witch we all known now as the Comedy Improve Clubs)"

using witch in lieu of which is phenomenal. Too, to, and two aren't nearly as funny. Neither are there, they're, or their. Lots of homophones, and it would be really, really, really, funny to purposely consistently use the incorrect one. Not sure I am diligent 'nuff to start doing that, but if I ever do, all credit goes to Jonesy

____________________________
answers to last week's quiz

1. Was he of Tulu, Telugu, or Kannada descent?
you know, I believe this is the first time that anyone has ever brought up the subject

2. How do you pronounce the name of the empire?
perhaps the reason he is not more well known is part of a vast conspiracy to keep 12 year old boys ignorant of this answer. There are an infinite number of jokes begging to be invented and told on school buses and around lunch tables

#7 = ಶ್ರೀ ಕೃಷ್ಣದೇವರಾಯ

1. Was he of Tulu, Telugu, or Kannada descent?

2. How do you pronounce the name of the empire?


if anyone ever wants to be a horrible parent, I suggest this site. Those have gotta be some of the worst stories ever. I just did a Ctrl F for Krishna Raya, but I wouldn't doubt that the others are equally awful. If you want some Tenali Rama, you're better off getting it from this guy (the Birbal ones are good too)

. . .

finally got the audio to record at a volume that I like. You wouldn't think that recording 3 minutes of dialogue would be very difficult, but that's because you underestimate how much of an idiot I am. Next time I'll be sure to record the entire thing without any words that begin with a "P" sound. My attempts to say "poet" and "apparently" and "pretty ignorant" were an utter disaster

I also shoulda said empire/emperor once or twice more. Thought I had a good mix of emperor versus king, but realized that the lesser king was more frequent. The internet provides fairly inconclusive data on this guy, and I had intended on keeping with the vagueness by alternating between titles. Unfortunately, from this video it seems as if I determined he was merely a king and not an emperor. The only time I say empire is in a sentence talking 'bout relations with Portugal, and that could easily be interpreted that the empire to which I was referring was the Portuguese and not the Vijayanagara. Totally thought I was being more inconsistent with regards to his regal status

. . .

from making this one I learned how to do a screen capture. I couldn't find all the stills from movies that I wanted on the google images. Searched and searched and searched, but couldn't seems like there are lots more iconic images in my brain than on the internet. Now I can just ask the youtube and then screen capture it. My screen captures are all out of focus and blurry, but whatever. It's the thought that counts

one of the pictures I most wanted was from this Korean movie Musa. Sweeping costume epic with a high body count = my kinda film. I had forgotten just how awesome it was though. So many slow motion shots of dudes making angry faces ere charging into certain death. I loved this movie when I saw it in the theater without subtitles, but unlike most action movies, it is actually better when you understand what they are saying!!!! Most of the time though it is either gratuitous violence or people staring intensely and preparing themselves to rock out in yet another display of gratuitous violence. Plenty of comic relief too. Everyone should see this movie[1]

. . .

abruptly ended this one with a shot of the aftermath of Dresden, just to remind everyone how destructive and often completely pointless war really is. Totally bad-ass and cool, but destructive and often completely pointless

. . .

had to take out the scene from Glory. That along with Musa was the impetus for learning how to take screen captures of youtubes, but Denzel and them marched into their inevitable death carrying guns. The Hindus didn't have any guns. The Muslims had guns, but I wanted a picture of the Hindus nobly strutting into certain death and had I used Denzel and them to represent the Hindus carrying guns that coulda confused folks. An even better non gun having march into inevitable death versus an army with guns was that movie Zulu. Unfortunately, there are no good screenshots of that battle. That part where both armies were singing was awesome though. Way better than the actual fight scene, which just didn't make any sense. The Zulu army ran 100 yards in .04 seconds and then stood there patiently while they slowly, slowly, slowly got picked off one-by-one by dudes who had to reload their guns after every shot and never ever ever didn't kill a Zulu with a single bullet. Rumor has it that back in 1964 the movie was seen as giving the Zulus a lot of respect, but white people during that era also thought that it was good manners to lynch negros



notes

[1]usually I get mines from the toudu, but I'll give y'all a youtube for this one. Decent film quality and no distracting Chinese subtitles. Kinda annoying in that it is in 13 parts, but if you watch it in playlist form it is pretty seamless. Always good to support folks uploading stuff to the youtube. Make sure you give it a 5 star rating and leave a comment too

________________________________________

Answers to last week's quiz

1. How could he invent paper if it had been been in use for hundreds of years before he was even born?
shut up, he invented paper

2. Couldn't origami and paper airplanes and what not be made out of papyrus too?
no, papyrus cracks if you fold it. You have to roll it in a scroll

3. You can make paper outta hemp, right?
yeah, but you're better off getting some of the indica and smoking it

#6 = 蔡伦

Quiz

1. How could he invent paper if it had been been in use for hundreds of years before he was even born?

2. Couldn't origami and paper airplanes and what not be made out of papyrus too?

3. You can make paper outta hemp, right?


once again I made the best youtube biography of a famous person. My favorite thing to do after uploading my video is to see what the Related Videos are. Then I do a search for my guy and see what other people have done.

this one has gotta be my favorite (fast forward to 1:06 for the biography part). This one is like a trailer for a movie or something. Maybe it is a commercial for a documentary. This one has the best music. Everyone else has cool background music in their videos. There are lots of youtubes 'bout papermaking, but this one has gotta be the best. Making paper is a lot of work. I mostly use the back of grocery store receipts when I need paper, and after watching these folks I'm not gonna start making my own any time soon

. . .

being a eunuch means that your parents castrated you so you had the opportunity to get a good job. Working for the emperor was pretty much the best job there was. Even mopping floors or cleaning the bathroom or whatever was way more lucrative than almost anything you could do outside of the palace. Lots of honor and respect to your family too. People were also castrated after being taken prisoner in wars and raids and stuff. Some transgender folks nowadays claim eunuchs as their own. Like they are the ancestor to all he/shes. Perhaps I just can't relate on account of my lack of gender identity issues, but that seems kinda silly to me

A dude without testicles is just an amputee. A 3-legged dog is still a dog and them guys from that Murderball movie were pretty hard-core. Having a glass eye or a pirate hook for a hand doesn't change anything. Not like losing his private parts made this guy any more docile. Implanting fake plastic boobs or getting a mastectomy doesn't make someone more or less of a woman. Plus childhood castration is like neonatal circumcision or being named Seymour in that it was a decision your parents made for you

. . .

at a mere two and a half minutes, this ADW is a bit shorter than most. Thought of adding in a paragraph 'bout how China managed to keep the process of paper-making a secret for a good half millennium, but I kinda like how this one jumps from aristocratic back-stabbing to the Cat in the Hat to porn. Seemed like introducing a bunch of history and geography woulda bogged it down as well as taking attention away from the dude we are supposed to be celebrating. Anywhoo . . . apparently paper ain't something you can reverse engineer very easily. The Koreans learned how to make it 500 years after the fact and they showed the Japanese. Muslims got it around 150 years later and went nuts. Lots and lots of paper mills and industrialization. They exported some to Europe, but Europe prefered to be racist and live in the self-imposed "Dark Ages." Good call there to resist Arabic influence. In 1221 some jack-ass king even went so far as to declare that all official documents written on paper were invalid. Finally, a few hundred years later, non-Muslim Europeans finally decided that paper was pretty cool. Here in 'Merica we had our own paper that we developed independently, but suppose all that got destroyed when them Eurotrash dudes came with their tight pants and smallpox in the name of God and the King

. . .

Answers to last week's quiz
1. Which country (unmentioned of course) had the most sons to which shout-outs were given this week?
Uzbekistan ( تیمور and ابوریحان محمد بن احمد بیرونی )

2. Which of the celebrity gangstas of our era has served the most jail time (Suge Knight, Tupac, Snoop, or Martha Stewart)?
Suge Knight = 5 and a half years
Tupac = 11 months for that rape charge, plus he got sentenced to 15 and 120 day stints for other stuff
Martha Stewart = 5 months in prison and another 5 months with that ankle tracking thing
Snoop = a coupla years for cocaine possession, but that was before he was famous. Spent a night in a London jail after an incident at Heathrow airport, but I don't think he has served any time since being a celebrity. Lots of probation and fines and posting of bail and was banished from England and Australia, but no hard time means he ranks behind Martha Stewart

ibn Khaldun might've actually not served more jail time than these 4 combined, I'm not sure. Still though, his thug credentials are pretty legit

#5 = ابن خلدون

ADW Quiz

1. Which country (unmentioned of course) had the most sons to which shout-outs were given this week?

2. Which of the celebrity gangstas of our era has served the most jail time (Suge Knight, Tupac, Snoop, or Martha Stewart)?


I love ibns so much. My sons are totally having ibn-something as one of their superfluous middle names. I just gotta think of a cool agnomen for myself of which they can be the ibn. Or maybe me and their mom will have a cool portmanteau like Brangelina. Knox Leon Jolie-Pitt is a pretty stupid name. Had they named him Knox Leon ibn Brangelina Jolie-Pitt, that woulda been way cooler

I promised to diversify the Awesome Dude of the Weeks and think I've done a pretty decent job of it thus far. Here go the first 5 with the places they've impacted. I didn't intentionally insult Inca people or West Africa or 75% of the population of Brazil, so I don't wanna get angry emails berating me for saying they don't have medicine of social sciences there



this video is the first to refer to a future dude of the week. Flashed pics of potential dudes before, but calling out a nameless person with his dates in an official ADW teaser is unprecedented. This also marks the second time that Biruni got himself a picture, making him the most revered person in the history of ADW

there was also a raging debate amongst the staff over which picture would be used for ibn Khaldun's official ADW ID. Initially the young, sexy one was prefered, but it was the wrong size. The old man pic of him fit perfectly, plus his selection as an ADW is due to the Muqaddimah[1], which he wrote during his white-bearded era, so it was more appropriate as well. A small yet vocal minority protested and resized the sexy pic. Even though the dates look cooler when written in white, ultimately the sexy picture was chosen instead of the old man one

not quite sure why I hate alchemy so much. Glad that Paracelsus has been forgotten and am confident that even if someone would look him up they would shake their head and wonder why he was ever taken seriously. Absolutely no question that Robert Boyle won that versus. We had us a Scopes Monkey Trial, but folks still get offended 'bout teaching children science in science class. Glad to see one of the previous millennium's smartest people nonchalantly mention evolution as if it were common sense[2]

was surprised to only find two similar biography things on the youtubes. This one and one in French. The French one also has a part 2. The youtube totally came through though when I typed "ADW" into its search engine. Mine come up if you type in "Awesome Dude of the Week," but I wondered who had dibs on the acronym. Turns out the answer is Dwayne Wayne!!!!!!


notes

[1] here go a translated version: http://www.muslimphilosophy.com/ik/Muqaddimah/

[2] here is an excerpt where he explains to Mike Huckabee and all the haters how evolution works (taken from http://www.muslimphilosophy.com/ik/Muqaddimah/Chapter1/Ch_1_06.htm). Scroll down 'bout a quarter of the way or just do a Ctrl F for "monkey"


One should then look at the world of creation. It started out from the minerals and progressed, in an ingenious, gradual manner, to plants and animals. The last stage of minerals is connected with the first stage of plants, such as herbs and seedless plants. The last stage of plants, such as palms and vines, is connected with the first stage of animals, such as snails and shellfish which have only the power of touch. The word "connection" with regard to these created things means that the last stage of each group is fully prepared to become the first stage of the next group.

The animal world then widens, its species become numerous, and, in a gradual process of creation, it finally leads to man, who is able to think and to reflect. The higher stage of man is reached from the world of the monkeys, in which both sagacity and perception are found, but which has not reached the stage of actual reflection and thinking. At this point we come to the first stage of man after (the world of monkeys). This is as far as our (physical) observation extends.

ADW #4 = Napoléon Bonaparte

there were a few people I had in mind for the first "other" dude (trying to rotate between 1/4 Persian/Arabs dudes, 1/4 Chinese dudes, 1/4 Indian dudes, and 1/4 "other" dudes). Had been kicking around the "Napoleon is responsible for the United States being awesome" theory for a while though, and this seemed like a good venue to express my extremely dubious claim. And it certainly legitimized my argument by tossing out obscure characters from the Ninja Turtles, Miss Universe stats, and unnecessarily insulting both Thomas Jefferson and Al Gore

still manage to drop some knowledge along with the ridiculousness though. Unless you grew up around there, there is absolutely no way you'd ever heard of the Pig War. Everyone knows the Cuban Missile Crisis, but this one was way closer to actually happening. And the story behind it is absolutely hilarious

best thing 'bout this one was that I got a ringer to pronounce Napoléon Bonaparte. Tired of flashing that rose by any other name pic, and this was an easy one. Couldn't quite get my over-the-top Pepé Le Peu accent right though. Recorded dozens of me exaggerating Maurice Chevalier, but then I had a stroke of genius and figured I could get a real French guy to say it. Took a surprising number of youtubes ere I found someone talking. Most of 'em were either just words flashing or music and re-enactments of battles and stuff. This was the first guy I got and the combination of his speed and those notes playing in the background were just too funny

ADW #3 = ਗੁਰੂ ਨਾਨਕ ਦੇਵ

this one might offend some people as it is 'bout the creator/founder of a major religion. Totally wasn't being rude at all though, just a light-hearted introduction to Sikhism for lots of folks. I accurately depict Sikhs as athletes and super-models and taxi drivers. Translated the 3 pillars in terms to which everyone can relate and respect. Don't tell me that "love God" ain't a succinct and non-confusing way to explain Naam Japna. Kirat Karni = "do things to make your grandma proud" is slightly more controversial, but is nonetheless pretty phenomenal. And Vand Chakna as "be a good neighbor" is perfect

Lots of bonus points for me for using a picture of Sonny and Preeti Caberwal too. Coulda chosen someone easy like the prime minister of India or a thug like Udham Singh, but the intention of this was more of the Sikh next door aspect. Which is also why I chose not to perv it up

I don't think Ruth Bader Ginsburg has ever ruled on kirpans (the "swords" that #10 Guru Gobind Singh made everybody get), but for sure she'd think they were totally cool. The Canadian Supreme Court thinks kirpans are fine, but I wasn't 'bout to use a picture of the Canadian Supreme Court. You'd think a country like Canadia would have something like a Supreme Court that isn't completely pathetic and embarrassing, but never ever ever underestimate the embarrassing patheticness of Canadia. Why am I so insulting of the Canadian Supreme Court? This ain't a comedy skit or a Christmas joke, THIS IS WHAT THE SUPREME COURT OF CANADIA ACTUALLY LOOKS LIKE!!!!!!. Just another reason that all their hockey teams deserve to be moved to places like Texas and Florida and Arizona

ADW #2 = 明成祖

by week two I was already finding it difficult to meet my loose quota of trying to maintain a balance between 1/4 Arab/Persian dudes, 1/4 Chinese dudes, 1/4 Indian dudes, and 1/4 other dudes. Originally had someone else in mind for the second installment, but I might've set the proverbial bar of awesomeness too high with the first one. The only other guys who seemed sufficiently cool enough to follow him were other ibns. Granted I got Euro-ibns and Afro-ibns and Arab-ibns and Central Asian ibns, but I can't make an exception and put two of 'em back-to-back this early in the game. Already have a few new youtube friends and I don't want them to get the wrong idea. There will be plenty more ADWs that will appeal to their particular interests, but I ain't limiting myself to any particular culture/religion/time period (although I gotta confess that them 10th-13th century ibns are my favorites)

had to dig deep and pull out one of the big guns for this one. Several GOAT emperor dudes from which to chose, but this guy has such an over-the-top resume of awesome feats that making a youtube for him was easy. Barely even did more than casually mention his accomplishments as well, since I didn't think there was really much need for elaboration. First 30 seconds are his name, then his dad gets the next minute or so, 45 seconds on dude himself, then it's just castration and dead hooker jokes

hadn't even realized it 'til I was already almost finished with the research, but I had written a story involving 明成祖 back in the day. When I wrote the blog 2 years ago, the Chinese wikipedia page to which I link at the end didn't have an English counterpart. It was a pretty hilarious punchline back in September '07. I assure you that when I wrote it, there was no way you could fact check it without knowing the story better than I did. Even now try asking the google keywords like "9 generations" "chinese emperor" "usurper" and hate me for not allowing you to verify my bedtime story. Dissemination of knowledge is a good thing, but the improvement of the internet does take some of the fun out of mischievous antiquated jokes

from a technical standpoint, this one was a vast improvement over last week's. Only one really sloppy sound goof, and it is only awkward for a few seconds. A coupla mistakes (whatever the oral equivalent of typos are), but no big deal. Soooooo much better than the other one as far as editing and all that. Recorded the entire thing in a single take and only cut-and-pasted in one other audio bit. This one took me a total of 2 days start-to-finish, which is a significant improvement over the month that it took me to do the first one. Lots more pictures too, although I'm still having trouble with the youtube video thumbnail thing [1]"


notes

[1] had thought that the still picture used to represent it was taken from the halfway point. Youtube gives you a choice of 3 frames, supposedly they are taken from the 1/4, 1/2, and 3/4 marks of the video, but from my experience that is not the case. Of the 7 videos I've uploaded to youtube, only 2 of them take the picture from the halfway mark and only 1 uses a picture from either the 1/4 or 3/4 point. So basically of the 21 thumbnail images I have, only 3 of them are from when they should be