البتاني

Quiz
1. if there are slightly less than an extra 6 hours in a year, won't adding a leap day every 4 years still result in some discrepancy?

2. why wasn't Al-Biruni mentioned in the list of astronomers?

3. week 1 = Persian Uzbeki, week 5 = African Berber whose family immigrated from Spain, week 9 = Turkish Sabian. Are we ever going to get an Arab ADW?


had an incredibly difficult time trying to find a suitable picture for his Official ADW ID. There are only two pictures of him on the google images (under any and all variations of his name in English and Arabic) and both of 'em suck



suppose they are alright, but certainly not worthy of iconic status. ADW is an exclusive organization and members are expected to maintain a standard of decorum. Since the only two pictures of him in existence are a coupla bad drawings, figured I'd just go 'head and make my own picture

based on all both representations of him, the look we were going for was husky dude with a beard and a turban. First thing that comes to mind when I think of husky dudes from back in the day with beards is Guan Yu. Now, no one would ever confuse a second century Chinese general with a ninth century Arab scholar, but I needed a husky dude with beard. Everyone knows that Guan Yu looks like this: . All I needed was that with slightly more pixels. Figured I'd just cut and paste a turban on a Guan Yu head and call it a day, but to my shock and disappointment, there weren't hardy any good pictures of Guan Yu on the google images (in English, Chinese or traditional Chinese). WTF!?!?!?

best I could find are these shots of 巴森扎布 from last year's John Woo movie (apparently 狄龍 went for a more metrosexual look in the other one)


the first one is too bloody, the second too surprised, and the third has an SUV in the background. That wasn't a problem though, since I was gonna cut and paste his head anyways. Found a good background and was starting to look for clothes, but by that point it kinda stopped being fun


while he is far and away the dumpiest Awesome Dude of the Week, I don't yet feel obliged to provide posterity with a better artistic rendition of him



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answers to last week's quiz

1. wait, how was he a mestizo? Doesn't Español + Castiza = Español?
c'mon, let that one slide. One of his youtubes said it perfectly: "1/4 indio de sangre pero 100% indio de corazón". Of course he is really more like 1/32 or 1/64, but still. If these people qualify as black under our one-drop rule, then he can certainly be claimed by whoever needs him to advance their cause



2. why isn't his name spelled Tupaq Amaru?
the answer to the first question is 'bout as far as I'll allow the truth to be stretched to comply with anyone's racist political agenda

Ocho = Túpac Amaru II

this week's quiz
1. wait, how was he a mestizo? Doesn't Español + Castiza = Español?

2. why isn't his name spelled Tupaq Amaru?


so this one is actually more 'bout other people/organizations that have the same name, but whatever. They are forever inextricably linked and do form a pretty bad-ass team. Ere this one evolved to include so many folks, had intended to flash some other same name duos,




but since they are only tag team partners, it wouldn't really be fair to pit 'em against the entire Túpac Amaru army

this week also marked the first time that I corrected dude's wikipedia page. Nothing major, and the articles are only Start-Class, but still. Just so happened that this coincided with my insane genealogy researching, so I rattled off a few citations.[1] Absolutely unnecessary and completely over-the-top, but whatever

the most monumental innovation this week was that I learned how to download and crop and insert youtube clips. Last week I learned how to do screen captures, and figured that would be sufficient, but apparently now I am capable of inserting humorous videos as well. Did a google image search for "rape and pillage" but surprisingly was unable to find anything comedic. "Pillage" "riot" "mob" "revolution" and all them resulted in similarly disappointing results. None of the Reginald Denny pics were really all that iconic either. Then I had the genius idea of using pre-reformed Bobcat Goldthwaith and his gang from the Police Academy movies. Still no google image results. Spent a bit of time substantiating my vague recollections of his character (who's name I learned was Zed) and realized that he didn't make an appearance 'til the first of the six sequels. Found a very appropriate clip from the original film though. I really like the Police Academy movies, and their cartoon used to be on DC20 weekday afternoons right before Ninja Turtles. Anywhoo . . . here is Jonesy's official website [2]

my encapsulation of T.A. Shakur's life is pretty good too. Don't mention the Panthers, but I got Baltimore School for the Arts, the inspiration for a coupla his roses that grew from concrete, his discovery in Marin City, C. Delorus Tucker, the lifestyle, and conspiracy theories regarding his death. Plus facial tattoo Mike Tyson to smirking Dick Chaney has gotta be best one of the best cuts in film editing history


notes

[1] also cited the same things on Túpac Amaru's page. Someone had actually changed the great-grandfather versus great-great-great-grandfather thing on II's page a few days prior to my correction

[2] was pretty sloppy drunk while reading Jonesy's official website, but the following nonetheless caught my attention:

"and featured in him in the famous EVENING AT THE IMPROV (witch we all known now as the Comedy Improve Clubs)"

using witch in lieu of which is phenomenal. Too, to, and two aren't nearly as funny. Neither are there, they're, or their. Lots of homophones, and it would be really, really, really, funny to purposely consistently use the incorrect one. Not sure I am diligent 'nuff to start doing that, but if I ever do, all credit goes to Jonesy

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answers to last week's quiz

1. Was he of Tulu, Telugu, or Kannada descent?
you know, I believe this is the first time that anyone has ever brought up the subject

2. How do you pronounce the name of the empire?
perhaps the reason he is not more well known is part of a vast conspiracy to keep 12 year old boys ignorant of this answer. There are an infinite number of jokes begging to be invented and told on school buses and around lunch tables

#7 = ಶ್ರೀ ಕೃಷ್ಣದೇವರಾಯ

1. Was he of Tulu, Telugu, or Kannada descent?

2. How do you pronounce the name of the empire?


if anyone ever wants to be a horrible parent, I suggest this site. Those have gotta be some of the worst stories ever. I just did a Ctrl F for Krishna Raya, but I wouldn't doubt that the others are equally awful. If you want some Tenali Rama, you're better off getting it from this guy (the Birbal ones are good too)

. . .

finally got the audio to record at a volume that I like. You wouldn't think that recording 3 minutes of dialogue would be very difficult, but that's because you underestimate how much of an idiot I am. Next time I'll be sure to record the entire thing without any words that begin with a "P" sound. My attempts to say "poet" and "apparently" and "pretty ignorant" were an utter disaster

I also shoulda said empire/emperor once or twice more. Thought I had a good mix of emperor versus king, but realized that the lesser king was more frequent. The internet provides fairly inconclusive data on this guy, and I had intended on keeping with the vagueness by alternating between titles. Unfortunately, from this video it seems as if I determined he was merely a king and not an emperor. The only time I say empire is in a sentence talking 'bout relations with Portugal, and that could easily be interpreted that the empire to which I was referring was the Portuguese and not the Vijayanagara. Totally thought I was being more inconsistent with regards to his regal status

. . .

from making this one I learned how to do a screen capture. I couldn't find all the stills from movies that I wanted on the google images. Searched and searched and searched, but couldn't seems like there are lots more iconic images in my brain than on the internet. Now I can just ask the youtube and then screen capture it. My screen captures are all out of focus and blurry, but whatever. It's the thought that counts

one of the pictures I most wanted was from this Korean movie Musa. Sweeping costume epic with a high body count = my kinda film. I had forgotten just how awesome it was though. So many slow motion shots of dudes making angry faces ere charging into certain death. I loved this movie when I saw it in the theater without subtitles, but unlike most action movies, it is actually better when you understand what they are saying!!!! Most of the time though it is either gratuitous violence or people staring intensely and preparing themselves to rock out in yet another display of gratuitous violence. Plenty of comic relief too. Everyone should see this movie[1]

. . .

abruptly ended this one with a shot of the aftermath of Dresden, just to remind everyone how destructive and often completely pointless war really is. Totally bad-ass and cool, but destructive and often completely pointless

. . .

had to take out the scene from Glory. That along with Musa was the impetus for learning how to take screen captures of youtubes, but Denzel and them marched into their inevitable death carrying guns. The Hindus didn't have any guns. The Muslims had guns, but I wanted a picture of the Hindus nobly strutting into certain death and had I used Denzel and them to represent the Hindus carrying guns that coulda confused folks. An even better non gun having march into inevitable death versus an army with guns was that movie Zulu. Unfortunately, there are no good screenshots of that battle. That part where both armies were singing was awesome though. Way better than the actual fight scene, which just didn't make any sense. The Zulu army ran 100 yards in .04 seconds and then stood there patiently while they slowly, slowly, slowly got picked off one-by-one by dudes who had to reload their guns after every shot and never ever ever didn't kill a Zulu with a single bullet. Rumor has it that back in 1964 the movie was seen as giving the Zulus a lot of respect, but white people during that era also thought that it was good manners to lynch negros



notes

[1]usually I get mines from the toudu, but I'll give y'all a youtube for this one. Decent film quality and no distracting Chinese subtitles. Kinda annoying in that it is in 13 parts, but if you watch it in playlist form it is pretty seamless. Always good to support folks uploading stuff to the youtube. Make sure you give it a 5 star rating and leave a comment too

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Answers to last week's quiz

1. How could he invent paper if it had been been in use for hundreds of years before he was even born?
shut up, he invented paper

2. Couldn't origami and paper airplanes and what not be made out of papyrus too?
no, papyrus cracks if you fold it. You have to roll it in a scroll

3. You can make paper outta hemp, right?
yeah, but you're better off getting some of the indica and smoking it

#6 = 蔡伦

Quiz

1. How could he invent paper if it had been been in use for hundreds of years before he was even born?

2. Couldn't origami and paper airplanes and what not be made out of papyrus too?

3. You can make paper outta hemp, right?


once again I made the best youtube biography of a famous person. My favorite thing to do after uploading my video is to see what the Related Videos are. Then I do a search for my guy and see what other people have done.

this one has gotta be my favorite (fast forward to 1:06 for the biography part). This one is like a trailer for a movie or something. Maybe it is a commercial for a documentary. This one has the best music. Everyone else has cool background music in their videos. There are lots of youtubes 'bout papermaking, but this one has gotta be the best. Making paper is a lot of work. I mostly use the back of grocery store receipts when I need paper, and after watching these folks I'm not gonna start making my own any time soon

. . .

being a eunuch means that your parents castrated you so you had the opportunity to get a good job. Working for the emperor was pretty much the best job there was. Even mopping floors or cleaning the bathroom or whatever was way more lucrative than almost anything you could do outside of the palace. Lots of honor and respect to your family too. People were also castrated after being taken prisoner in wars and raids and stuff. Some transgender folks nowadays claim eunuchs as their own. Like they are the ancestor to all he/shes. Perhaps I just can't relate on account of my lack of gender identity issues, but that seems kinda silly to me

A dude without testicles is just an amputee. A 3-legged dog is still a dog and them guys from that Murderball movie were pretty hard-core. Having a glass eye or a pirate hook for a hand doesn't change anything. Not like losing his private parts made this guy any more docile. Implanting fake plastic boobs or getting a mastectomy doesn't make someone more or less of a woman. Plus childhood castration is like neonatal circumcision or being named Seymour in that it was a decision your parents made for you

. . .

at a mere two and a half minutes, this ADW is a bit shorter than most. Thought of adding in a paragraph 'bout how China managed to keep the process of paper-making a secret for a good half millennium, but I kinda like how this one jumps from aristocratic back-stabbing to the Cat in the Hat to porn. Seemed like introducing a bunch of history and geography woulda bogged it down as well as taking attention away from the dude we are supposed to be celebrating. Anywhoo . . . apparently paper ain't something you can reverse engineer very easily. The Koreans learned how to make it 500 years after the fact and they showed the Japanese. Muslims got it around 150 years later and went nuts. Lots and lots of paper mills and industrialization. They exported some to Europe, but Europe prefered to be racist and live in the self-imposed "Dark Ages." Good call there to resist Arabic influence. In 1221 some jack-ass king even went so far as to declare that all official documents written on paper were invalid. Finally, a few hundred years later, non-Muslim Europeans finally decided that paper was pretty cool. Here in 'Merica we had our own paper that we developed independently, but suppose all that got destroyed when them Eurotrash dudes came with their tight pants and smallpox in the name of God and the King

. . .

Answers to last week's quiz
1. Which country (unmentioned of course) had the most sons to which shout-outs were given this week?
Uzbekistan ( تیمور and ابوریحان محمد بن احمد بیرونی )

2. Which of the celebrity gangstas of our era has served the most jail time (Suge Knight, Tupac, Snoop, or Martha Stewart)?
Suge Knight = 5 and a half years
Tupac = 11 months for that rape charge, plus he got sentenced to 15 and 120 day stints for other stuff
Martha Stewart = 5 months in prison and another 5 months with that ankle tracking thing
Snoop = a coupla years for cocaine possession, but that was before he was famous. Spent a night in a London jail after an incident at Heathrow airport, but I don't think he has served any time since being a celebrity. Lots of probation and fines and posting of bail and was banished from England and Australia, but no hard time means he ranks behind Martha Stewart

ibn Khaldun might've actually not served more jail time than these 4 combined, I'm not sure. Still though, his thug credentials are pretty legit