ब्रह्मगुप्त

only one question this week, but promise I'll get y'all an answer several paragraphs long

1. wait, wasn't Issac Newton the first guy to tell everyone 'bout gravity?
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the google images didn't have any pictures, but the Hindi wikipedia came through. Might be the most sensual mathematician portrait ever. I didn't include his perfectly sculpted muscles in his official ADW ID, but if anyone wants to fantasize 'bout a 7th century underwear model with an IQ of 257, can't do much better than this guy. I don't think anyone will be able to compete with SRK as Ashoka, but ब्रह्मगुप्त overtakes بن خلدون as the sexiest ADW to date

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not sure if all the Schoolhouse Rock cartoons sucked, but I would not recommend that you click here to watch the youtube of My Hero, Zero. Better to remain nostalgic and disagree with me based on your memories. Perhaps this clip was just a particularly uninspired one, but I can think of far better ways to waste 3 minutes of time. Like watching this followed by this. That there is a WAY more entertaining use of 3 minutes


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questions from last week regarding issues I avoided
1. wait, who was his father? Sure his mama didn't get knocked up by someone else?
oh, who cares. Just more proof that bastards and adoptees can grow up to do anything their lil' illegitimate hearts desire

2. why didn't you mention anything 'bout his ironic death? He had doctors making him immortality pills and wound up dying from mercury poisoning
get outta here. Stuff like 蓬莱山 has nothing to do with anything. Pretty much every megalomaniac dictator goes through a cheating death phase. Punchline here was that the folks he sent to get the elixir of life from 安期生 never returned because they knew they'd be killed

3. didn't he basically spend the last years of his life trying to find the elixir of life?
I already covered this in the answer to the previous question. Plus his empire continues to grow and expand and increase in awesomeness more than 2,000 years later. Let's not underestimate his legacy. HE MADE CHINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

秦始皇

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questions regarding issues I avoided
1. wait, who was his father? Sure his mama didn't get knocked up by someone else?

2. why didn't you mention anything 'bout his ironic death? He had doctors making him immortality pills and wound up dying from mercury posioning

3. didn't he basically spend the last years of his life trying to find the elixer of life?
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some things said he was born in Hendan, but couldn't confirm it to my satisfaction so I chose to err on the side of caution rather than error. Chose to err on the side of sloppy sound editing when I rerecording the last lil' bit because I didn't much care for the punchline I had in the original. ADW2.0 is all 'bout being a week late because you spent an excessive amout of time not publishing so you can tweak some minute detail. Someone needs some interns, STAT!!! Redid the ruloph pic. Made his nose redder and the names of the other deer a lil' clearer. Also had some burned alive pictures, but decided not to include them. Featured dead hookers in a previous one, but those were more comedic due to the pictures being of actresses pretending to be dead hookers and not actual dead hookers. These were actual people getting burned alive. Reckoned that while people don't mind hearing tales of death and destruction, some might be squimish at witnessing it in action. Didn't want the shock value to distract from the education, so I opted to leave out. Plenty of folks get burned alive though. We had a pretty famous one a few years back in Texas, and several hundred women have been burned alive in US occupied Iraq. North Korean military and South African mob violence and drug dealers in Rio too, but those tend to be isolated events, whereas more chicks have been burned alive under our watch in Iraq than were scholars under 秦始皇's reign


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answers to last week's angry questions from people whom I offended:

1. what do you mean he didn't convert people? He converted the King of Georgia at swordpoint
not like ბაგრატ V really converted to Islam, that was just a farce so he could get himself released
2. why didn't you say anything 'bout kurash 'rassling? It's not an Olympic event, but is kinda a big deal in the Asian games. He was a proponent, you shoulda shown this oft-overlooked sport some love
you're right. The video was running a bit long though, and I opted to emphasis his contributions to chess over 'rassling. Don't regret flashing a picture and telling a joke at the moment, but I might a few months from now. In which case I'll issue you an apology and promise to do a remix just like for ਗੁਰੂ ਨਾਨਕ ਦੇਵ

تیمور

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angry questions from people whom I offended:
1. what do you mean he didn't convert people? He converted the King of Georgia at swordpoint

2. why didn't you say anything 'bout kurash 'rassling? It's not an Olympic event, but is kinda a big deal in the Asian games. He was a proponent, you shoulda shown this oft-overlooked sport some love
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the original youtube of this clocked in at just under 5 minutes, making it by far the longest one yet. There were some parts I coulda cut, but I like one take and done. Been having major drama with my youtube thumbnails though, and after 5 uploadings (editing the length of the video to change the random images that youtube allows me to use as the thumbnail) I still couldn't get a resonable image. Certainly annoying, especially since such a high percentage of the video is his ADW ID

never re-edited or done a second take before, but reckoned it was time for that streak to come to an end. Been slacking on the ADWs as of late; couldn't finish 墨子 in Miami or Boston, and did Βελισάριος drunk, which turned out less than ideal. Figured since this was the first of the promised ones that came to fruition, it was high time to class the operation up a bit. Turns out that I had his dates wrong when I flashed him as a future ADW too. 1370 was when he founded his dynasty, not when he was born. I'm sure I've made lots of mistakes (mispronuncing the Kushan empire was on purpose), but this is the first embarassing one across which I've come

flawlessly spliced a few bits from the original recording into version 2.0. The camels versus elephants bit was more emotional and comedic the first time around, as were his warnings from beyond the grave so I used those. Reworded a few passages as well. Basically just tightened the whole thing up a bit. Still couldn't get the correct thumbnail picture though, even after a record-setting 17 edits and uploads. That is just ridiculous. The youtube proved even more stubborn than me though, so after 6 days of failure decided to settle for the chess board. Losing a week of productivity ain't really worth the satisfaction of having the correct thumbnail image appear when the video is embedded

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the standard go to picture of wheel-chair dudes being hard-core is prolly a still from that movie Murderball, but I opted for something a lil' more personal. Other than me and Matthew McConehey, pretty much the only people who play on the myspace are aspiring rappers. I like the myspace infinitely better than I do the facebook, and in a futile attempt to prolong its relevance I approve of all friend requests from aspiring rappers. I get 'bout a half-dozen of 'em every week, and rarely do I bother clicking on their profile page as increasing their friends count fulfills the extent of my giving back to the virtual community. This one dude intrigued me though. In his thumbnail picture it appeared that he was smoking a blunt. You can't smoke blunts in myspace profile pictures. That is so bad-ass. I clicked on his profile to view the picture in a larger size, and in addition to his numerous tattoos (including facial) and ubiquitous shots of him posing with his boyz throwing up signs, he is proudly smoking a blunt. What a thug. He's also in a wheelchair. Needless to say, MAJE$TY DA $TREETKING has been my #1 friend on the myspace for a few weeks now

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since this turned out to be the first ADW 2.0, appropriate that I old schooled it and used a picture from the very fist video . Also recycled a camel from a previous one. Emassing quite the collection of stock photos

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obviously the poisoned tusked elephants were Elephas maximus and not Loxodonta africana, but the only raging Asian elephants I could find didn't have tusks. The ones that محمود الدین ناصر‎ had were also wearing chain mail. While my intention is to diseminate knowledge rather than ignroance, hopefully an unarmed stampede of the incorrect genus nonetheless served to illistrate the improvosational skills of تیمور

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zingers for the militants:
1. dropped tha ball on not big upping Thracian people. Sparticus, both emperors in your youtube, son of Ares, the Illiad, Herodotus ranking 'em #2 behind India in population, from Skudra to conquering Persia with Alex the Great, shoulda kinda mentioned some of that
less you got some kinda proof, I'ma say he was Illyrian. Born in Illyria = Illyrian 'til you gimme something better

2. um . . . Persians owned the Byzantines. What are you talking 'bout?
I totally mentioned that his military achievements came with lil' support. He was completely outmanned. No way he coulda won. Victory + stalemate = them settling for extracting tribute. If Palau played Brasil in futebol and beat 'em 1-0 in the home game and tied 'em 0-0 in São Paulo, that for sure counts as something their coach can put on his resume