Tuesday, July 31, 2007

I Loves All My Chil'ins

I ain't never cheated on nobody or had no affairs 'cause those are breaches of commitment resulting in severe deductions of karma points. Things was getting kinda serious between us, but we had agreed that it would remain a very open relationship. Sometimes jealousy demands exclusivity, but in our case that was not going to be an issue. A gentlemen never tells, so I'll leave the undisclosed complexities up to your imagination.

Basically, I'm too much man. Gotta lotta love to give and being in my prime have an obligation to bring that pleasure to as many unsatisfied individuals as possible. Had known this for a while, but was procrastinating 'cause I knew how much work it'd be. Sowing the oats is the easy part. Then you gotta water 'em, make sure they get enough sunlight, and protect them from harmful weeds and insects to ensure they grow up healthy and strong. While a lesser man might just plant his seed and leave, the righteous stays for the reaping.

Now don't you think for one moment that my dedication to husbandry in any way inhibits my hunting skills. I don't go after the weak gazelles either, vulnerability has never been attractive to me. I only feast upon the most succulent of prey, and have devoured a diverse assortment of meats.

I'm also an amazing gardener. I've got the stamina required to dig deep into that fertile soil. Deeper than most, I'll be sure to extract all the nutrients. Now I don't have all the fancy tools and admittedly my techniques are simple, but they are time-tested and always get the job done. Well, not always, but that happens to everybody.

I ain't the settling down type. Least not yet. Maybe some day I'll be sitting on a rocking chair on the front porch, but not today. The world is my oyster, and be it an aphrodisiac or not, I'ma go forth and multiply. Y'all might attempt to justify your own pathetic existences by hating on me, and if that's what you need to get through your day so be it. Say what you will about deadbeat dads, but my offspring love me more than yours do you. I might not always be there, but I still provide for 'em. Just 'cause you come home every night doesn't mean you are enriching their lives. A mere fraction of my brilliance is worth more than the perpetual tediousness of your presence. I can swoop in, turn on the charm and give 'em a fond childhood memory they will forever cherish. You keep grinding that axe though, really admirable that.

So there you are blogspot.com. It ain't much, but you've always known you weren't my favorite. I'll continue drop by at least once at month and rock your world, but the myspace she gives better lovin'


Joe said...

I feel dirty.

Jess Lynd said...


send me ur myspace pg i guess.