Balinese Culture

Being the cultural guy that I am, I attended "The Best of Classical Dance of Bali." There were guys playing xylophone-types things and then a dancer came out. She did lots of stop and jerk movements, especially with her head and fingers. She would also do this crazy owl thing with her eyes. That was my favorite part. Then two of her friends came out. One of them was pretty cute, but they were wearing lots of clothes. In Sydney there was this Indian restaurant that would show Bollywood music videos. Now them's my kinda dancing Hindu women. Maybe if these Bali dancing chicks accumulate enough karma points they can get reincarnated as one of them. The girls left, and next this dragon came out. He danced around for a while, but not like Chinese New Year's Dragons. He was more of the move-your-head-up-and-down school of dragon dancing. Then this Planet of the Apes guy came out. He would taught the dragon and get him all riled up. I wanted the dragon to eat him, but Dr Zeaus was too elusive. After the dragon left these 4 kings came out. They danced around for awhile and then some super king maharajah guy came out. He wasn't as cool or as well dressed as the kings, but they all heeded his authority. Then the super king maharajah guy's wife came out. She started doing this sexy dance and – wait. Is that a dude? BOOOOO!!!!!! I hate transvestites, even if they are a part of The Great Mahabharata Epic. The transvestite finally left, and fortunately a whole bunch of dancing girls came out. They weren't scantily clad, but at least they were women and not mustachioed men in a dress. The girls danced for a while and then the transvestite cam back out. BOOOOOO!!!!!! BOOOOOOOO!!!!! He danced and the girls all watched respectfully.

I was starting to not like the show when out came the comic relief. These guys were hilarious, especially their leader. They were like pirates or monkeys or something. They were goofing around and having fun until these two demon guys came out. They subjected the pirate monkeys and were really mean. My buddies revolted and plotted numerous coup attempts, but the demons foiled all their wily schemes. Eventually the demons started to pray and fell into a deep trance. That's when the dancing girls came back out. The three pirate monkeys left with the 6 yellow girls (YEAH!!!!!) while the pink girl stayed behind. She woke up the demons, who weren't at all upset to see their pirate monkeys gone. They were much more interested in the pink girl. Unfortunately, neither was willing to share and a huge fight broke out. During the melee, the pink girl slipped out, again confirming Russel Crowe's theory from the Beautiful Mind movie that if you go for a backup dancer everyone goes home happy whereas if multiple people try for the Alpha female no one gets her. Worked for the pirate monkeys. Kevin Federline was a backup dancer and look at him. Some backup dancer was married to Jennifer Lopez too.

Anyway, one demon kills the other and then this ghost comes out. I woulda put money on the demon, but I guess the ghost had special powers. He killed the demon and then the dragon came back out. The ghost tried to fight him, but was no match. The dragon was whopping up on the ghost then suddenly they stopped fighting and stood next to each other. Then the dancing girls and the pirate monkeys and the kings and everybody came out and took a bow.

Even though it would mean nearly doubling my daily expenditures, I might shell out the $5.50 and see another show tomorrow. This time I'ma ask for one with no transvestites

. . .

the next day it was monsooning and the jungle hut where I was staying was too far without a boat. The day after I went and saw a fire dance one. No music, just a bunch of guys chanting. I loved it when they would start the kecak. Especially the fat guy. He would jiggle everywhere. I couldn't get enough of him. Just so no one accuses me of being culturally insensitive, check out their overview and tell me if it is any less rambling or more sensical than my description of the other performance.