商鞅

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Q&A

wasn't he gay?
you're thinking of Lord Long Yang. This is Lord Shang Yang

why are severe punishments referred to as draconian?
the word "draconian" is a shout out to Δράκων, who back 'round 620BC, wrote down all the laws and posted 'em up so they were accessible to all. Prior to this, the laws were just oral ones that were applied and enforced kinda arbitrarily. Dude legitimized everything by publishing the whole set, and significantly increased the number of infractions punishable by death. Hence the term "draconian." Coupla years later, Σόλων revised the laws and made Athens

who was that guy with the silly hat that you said made China?
秦始皇
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making youtubes for dudes who deserve 'em is one thing, but making youtubes for dudes that posterity has hereunto under appreciated is quite another. ADW #4 was my first. Nobody ever acknowledged the debt of gratitude that 'Merica has for the man who took us from quasi-independent vassal state to super-power, but I give credit where it is due. ϷΑΟΝΑΝΟϷΑΟ ΚΑΝΗϷΚΙ ΚΟϷΑΝΟ doesn't even rank on the majority of most influential people ever lists, but he was the 11th one I deemed an Awesome Dude of the Week

. . .

Confucius is my #1 favorite guy of all time, yet here I've done three Anti-Confucionist ADWs. There will be plenty more of 'em from the 100 schools of thought, but suppose 朱熹 should get one soon.

. . .

still ridiculously slow in churning these ones out, but at least I'm getting better at images. Almost everything in this one was either a recycled or slightly modified picture from a previous ADW. Had a few jokes, but am making an effort to curtail the use of LOLcat silliness

. . .

there is a bunch of intro stuff consisting of legends and stories and all that, and the actual laws and philosophy are kinda interesting. I didn't bother to read the whole thing and wouldn't necessarily recommend y'all do either, but anyone who is unfamiliar with the Warring States period should spend 10-15 minutes flipping through The Book of Lord Shang and getting a better appreciation for it

بیرونی

Q&A
you promised in your previous blog that you were gonna stop flashing pictures of people without saying their names, and then you did exactly that. Who were those guys involved in that "versus" thing?

I'll even give you their names in English and not their native languages:
team περιπατητικός = Aristotle, Avicenna, and Thomas Aquinas
team math/science = Al-Biruni, Ibn al-Haytham, Copernicus, Galileo, Newton, Einstien, and Larry Flynt

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since he was the punchline to the first ever ADW, it is only appropriate that he lead off season 2, which had been delayed signicantly due to a combination of laziness and this other youtube video I had to make for a job application . And then more laziness, since the whole thing was finished like 3 weeks ago and it took me that long to get around to rerecording and editing the audio (a process that takes all of 12 minutes). Promised that season 2 would be more rapid-fire and intense, so had to re-record the audio for this one. The first version was alright, but I think excited and outta breath is a better angle for me than lackadiscal and subdued. This one wasn't really excited and outta breath at all, but 'bout time I just published it already and got to work on the next one

the picture of his crater is from Google Moon. They've had Google Earth for some years now, and Google Mars is the newest one. Not content on conquering the world, our friends at Google are taking over other celestial bodies too. (disclaimer: this blog is hosted by Google, as are all my youtubes. And my emails. At the moment Google is still losing to iThings with regards to hip cell phones, but prolly not for long. GO GOOGLE ! ! ! ! !)

season 2 = faster, simpler, sloppier

been a good while, but reckon it's time to start churning out some new ADWs. The plan for now is to lessen my production values in exchange for an increase in ease and frequency. Managed to put out one a week whilst I had an address, but homelessness resulted in a drop-off in production, and outsourcing myself to India reduced 'em to a dismal average of one per month. Kept getting fancier and fancier with more pictures and behind the scenes features and all sorts of unnecessary stuff. Don't nobody care 'bout that, all folks want is some insight into things we never learned in school. 1st century Greco-Buddhists and the Pope's pirates and inventing paper and the number zero and flaming camels and stuff like that. Plus connections that defy conventions like John Conner being a proponent of Mohism and Napoléon Bonaparte being responsible for so many Miss Universes being boricuas. Ideas and opinions, not production values

check out this video and see what I mean:


that there has pictures, video clips, audio, and pretty much everything I am technologically capable of doing (with the exception of stop-motion stuff). A ridiculous amount of research and confirming and triple checking and editing and blah, blah, blah. Cute and funny, but still far from perfect. Certainly not worth the 8 weeks it took to make it. 8 weeks = too much time to spend making a 5 minute youtube

quantity over quality is the plan for now. Streamlining the operation and relegating witticisms/jokes to the blog. Also doing away with that whole refusing to say names thing that hereunto has been one of the cute/annoying hallmarks of the ADW franchise. Had this whole thing 'bout translations and that which we call a rose by any other name and all that. Also liked referring to dudes by ADW ID rather than by name. That practice ain't carrying over into Season 2

sleeker, meaner, and more hard core = the 2010-2011 ADWs

that other project

audio ain't perfect, coupla glitches and Cousin Dick's bit has some exploding "p" sounds, but I can always re-record it later. The first couple are basically just me reading the captions from the pics I posted on the myspace and in that facebook album. Had originally thought I'd do something with all the pics I have of 'em together, but maybe I'll incorporate some in later




this should only be a rough draft, hoping to have a bunch of chapters and put everything together on a DVD for everyone at the reunion in July. We'll see how productive/lazy I am over these next few months

. . .

suppose I need to work on my impressions. My Calvin Coolidge and George HW Bush sound almost identical

. . .

didn't even bother saying anything 'bout FDR or lil' George, since I figure everyone is familiar 'nuff with both of 'em. Although the phrase "me and Dub" is amazing. Like on the Cosby Show when Rudy would call her friend Bud. Cousin Dubya is his formal name, but his closest friends/family all know him as Dub

. . .

reckoned the Vietnam War pic I had was too distracting so I swapped it out for something more generic. Perhaps if you were alive during the era and were familiar with the image, it wouldn't have the same shock value, but damn. Raising any kind of controversy would defeat the purpose of this light-hearted video though, so opted to just go with a mundane pic that no one will remember

replaced this one


with this one


. . .

still not sure if Millard Fillmore is a cousin. Some of his ancestors were from Norwich, CT and Ipswich, MA. Our people founded those towns and impregnated pretty much everyone who came through, so is possible that he's another cousin

on hiatus

Q & A
if you are gonna go through the effort of resizing and uploading pictures to a photo sharing website so you can embed them into your blog entry, shouldn't you have just gone ahead and finished making your lil' youtube video?
this one had been stagnating for a while already and there are other projects on which I wanna focus. Rather than continue to push back it's release date and having this annoying guilt gnawing away at me anthropomorphically, reckoned it was better for me to proverbially put this one on the proverbial back burner[1]


that's it? You only made 4 in the last 4 months and now you're quitting? Is ADW the new LEGOMAN?
maybe. LEGOMAN had a youtube and a myspace and a blog and a gmail account. Fun times and a learning experience. And don't tell me this isn't one of the best uses of a 15 minute coffee break ever:


only thing I really regret was never using all those Rob Schneider pictures I had. LEGOMAN loved Rob Schneider and would post one of his iconic characters in the movies section of his weekly myspace profile updates. I had amassed quite a collection of Rob Schneider photos, and was gonna have LEGOMAN use a still from a film as his movies section and a shot of Rob Schneider on a talk show or somewhere (being Rob Schneider and not a character) as his heroes section. LEGOMAN's infatuation with Rob Schneider was hilarious, and I had a ridiculous stock of Rob Schneider making funny faces pictures

when will you grace us with more ADWs?
no idea. Hopefully soon. I enjoy making these, but I gotta get started on this other project that has a deadline. Everything was just temporary 'til I got settled into my apartment in Mumbai, but that never happened. 2 months later I still don't have a plan, so might as well just chalk this one up as an L and focus on other things. Might be back in a week or two with this 'Merican or might get y'all a Muslim conqueror from the 500 - 1000 era. Whatever inspires me. Don't do hardly nothing outta obligation and I've already missed too many deadlines for those to be relevant
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this one is stuck in development hell. Was actually one of the first ADWs considered and caused me to open my brain and spew an entire tangential blog on the spot. Was hoping to find a better candidate to fill the allotted quota, but reckoned I had a sufficiently creative spin to render all objections moot. Off to a great start, innovated a bit with stop motion animation, and made a pair of pictures worth a thousand words. Check out these scathing images:




take that Maryland and 'Merica

also trashed Moses and big upped Toussaint Louverture. And called out Abe Lincoln for being racist. Abe Lincoln will get spared the wrath for now, but I'll give y'all this quote and let you try to interpret it as anything other than an eloquent way to say "WHITE POWER ! ! ! !"

I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races. I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will ever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. ... And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.

not like that was taken outta context either (you can't take an entire paragraph outta context, an entire paragraph IS context). And not like that was the only time Honest Abe expressed his opinion on the matter. Plenty of quotes and votes and evidence of whatever type you want. Abe Lincoln was racist. Like, really really really really really racist. He'll be exposed for what he was soon 'nuff, but feel free to continue holding him in high regard 'til I get 'round to finishing and publishing this ADW. Hopefully that'll be soon, but I don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to completing tasks I postpone indefinitely. Ask me sometime 'bout that state quarters blog
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[1]have been proverbially doing things to the proverbial whatever since '07, but methinks it's high time I started emphasizing the anthropomorphical in overused metaphors. While coming up with original poetic phrases is unquestionably better, making fun of clichés is way easier. And I can totally justify it as community service because I am dissuading folks from being generic. Following the herd and not forging your own trail and marching to the beat of your own drum is a slippery slope to being a stick in the mud. JK! OMG! LOL!

चाणक्य

Q & A
why didn't you say anything 'bout him being a Sakaldwipiya from Golla?

why didn't you say anything 'bout him being a Brahmin from Takshila?

why didn't you say anything 'bout him being from Dravida?

hey, isn't that Tom Hanks in the Machiavelli stage play? I didn't know he did theater
good eye. Here is a better picture of him from the play. The role of Callimaco in La Mandragola was actually Hanks' only New York stage performance

thank you for your question. So often all I get are stupid ones berating me for neglecting to mention unsubstantiated claims of ethnicity
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Best of YouTube
most of the videos are just clips from that 47 part television series 'bout him made back in 1990

my favorite has gotta be this one. It's just a bunch of quotes set to cool chant music, but there is a charm in its simplicity and straightforwardness

this one is really odd. A female Steven Hawking voice is reading something while a kid is playing baseball and then there are some candles and this goofy music. Not quite sure what is going on there

some college students sit around drinking, smoking cigarettes, and talking 'bout his book. Not really very interesting, but suppose if you have a thing for Filipino girls . . .

this guy made a cool chart outlining key subjects in the book. Apparently, he has a bunch more stuff on his website. He has a part 2 and 3 video as well

more Filipino college students (or maybe the same ones). Ain't really my thing, but seems like them pervs who are into Asian girls could start internet dating one of these chicks with a few positive youtube comments
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DVD Bonus Features
see how I'm classing up this operation? Videos continue to improve (I hope), but it's the extras that have really been taken to the next level. Had figured my non-canonical ADW youtube account would just be for jokes and stuff, but it has quickly evolved to be so much more

realize I say "record," "reckoned," and "reckoned" within a 10 second span, but I ain't re-editing the audio on a deleted scenes commentary. Shoulda been "record," "figured," and "reckoned." Whatever, imperfect deleted scenes commentary is still raising the bar

next week I might do some outtakes. Or a full behind the scenes "the making of" ADW documentary. Outtakes are hilarious. I get all angry and curse and stuff. Sometimes I repeat a word over and over and over again to get it right. Prolly plenty of funny stuff in the C:\Users\Ian Murphy\Videos\Narration folder. I was gonna delete everything since I don't like clutter (I'm sure feng shui applies to computer hard drives as well), but perhaps I can turn some of my trash into treasure
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Ramblings and Links and Pictures and Stuff

Alexander the Great has received shout-outs in the last two ADW videos. Unprecedented. Plus he was like half of the previous blog. بیرونی had been the most anticipated future ADW since week 1, but now we have a new front-runner. अशोक is swiftly climbing the ranks as well. There were a preposterous number of ADWs and future ADWs in this video. Suppose I should list 'em all with links to their wikipedias and ADW youtubes (where applicable). I could be a jerk and link to the wikipedia written in their language, but I'll just give y'all the English ones

चाणक्य
Μέγας Ἀλέξανδρος

अशोक
秦始皇
Raden Wijaya
Nezahualcóyotl
تیمور
Βελισάριος
ধর্মপাল
ಶ್ರೀ ಕೃಷ್ಣದೇವರಾಯ
Κανηϸκι
Julius Caesar


also throw references to Ἀριστοτέλης, Πλάτων, 孔丘, and 墨子. Most likely they'll all be ADWs as well. 墨子 already got his and 商鞅 will for sure get one. Just look at his Official ADW Teaser

what amazing pose for a statue. All surly and full of contempt. That's gotta be one of the most disgruntled statues ever. He gets to be the Legalism quadrant and since 老子 is a bit too mythical for ADW status, reckon 莊子 will be the Taoist representative. And you best believe that there will be way more dudes from the Hundred Schools of Thought too. Much as I love me some medieval Muslim scholars, ancient Chinese philosophers are still my favorite

張騫

questions/controversies this video inspired
wait, how do you pronounce Kushan? In the Κανηϸκι video you kept saying Kush-un, and here you are saying Kush-an. Which is it?
it's pronounced phonetically. I was just saying it that way so I could make the joke, "more Kushan for the pushin." I apologize for misinforming everyone, especially since most folks prolly didn't realize I was pronouncing it incorrectly on purpose. Still though, the expansion of the Kushan Empire = "more Kushan for the pushin" is hilarious. And then this picture !!!!! I am too funny! Seriously though, my bad for the confusion

why didn't you mention anything 'bout him marrying a Xiongnu girl?
because it is completely irrelevant. Doesn't really matter how many wives or concubines or whatever anyone had. Or if they preferred dudes or lil' boys. What folks do in their bedrooms is their own business and really has nothing to do with them being awesome. Unless of course there was some funny harem-related drama or dude fathered 110 kids or something, in which case it totally adds to their awesomeness

the Huns were Mongolian?
just a rumor, but a pretty darn good one. And since no one has got anything better, it's kinda the default "no one knows who they were, but they might've been the Xiongnu." Plus everyone was intermarrying and had like 10 wives and their stories were only written by their victims who most likely embellished and imagined everything anyways

wait, what is so awesome 'bout 張騫? Isn't he basically just Christopher Columbus? The first Chinese guy to "discover" the west? If he wouldn't have, someone else would've within the next few decades/centuries
that's actually a very good question. Usually I just get stupid ones. Last week someone asked me 'bout an Orlando Bloom movie. At first I was going to answer you here, but decided to go back and incorporate my response into the final paragraph of the youtube. The final paragraph before the epilogue that is. That epilogue ending was just too cool to change

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for some reason I prefer watching other people's youtubes 'bout dude after I've already published mine. Makes me feel like their peer and not someone trying to mooch ideas/pictures. I think Best Non-ADW Youtube will become a regular feature of the column

this week's winner is easy. You know the video is going to be fabulous when its description is "History of Chona goes back 5000 years"

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had a lil' bit of trouble settling upon his official ADW pic. This was the one I was going to use:

he is all ugly and dumpy and cute. Too small though, and it didn't blow up well so anyone who was watching the youtube in full screen mode wouldn've just seen some pixels. Plus his silly hat didn't completely fit in the frame. There are some statues of him, but they are either generic and lacking in personality or depict him as some type of great military conqueror, whereas I want him to be more of an Indiana Jones/Cap'n Kirk type[1]. This one is kind of a cool lonely cowboy far from home shot, but is totally lacking in swagger:

and this one is just not all at awesome

went with him as a charismatic bad-ass, and decided to include the horse since the fear in its eye juxtaposed with 張騫's calm arrogance adds so much to the effect. Napoléon had the same horse, but he just comes across as effeminate


speaking of dudes who look awful in their iconic picture of them on a horse, check out Alexander the Great:

when it is really small it looks ok, but the more you zoom in the worse it gets

that is horrible. I am shocked and appalled that there ain't some better pictures of him on the google images. His ADW pic has him wearing a lion's head as a hat. Pretty damn cool:

the full statue with his horse trampling one dude and him 'bout to mash this other guy is good stuff too:

suppose I coulda used one of his shampoo commercial busts, but dude deserves a totally thugged out ADW, especially because lately his homosexuality or pedophilia or whatever has kinda overshadowed some of his awesomeness. Genghis Khan can have an unintimidating pic because his reputation precedes him. That he looks like some mild-mannered guy on a bus almost makes him even more awesome:

Μέγας Ἀλέξανδρος, however needs the emphasis to be placed upon his conquering and slaughtering and subjugating and ass-kicking. It wasn't for his sexual prowess that he is known as "the Great"

. . .

these past few ADWs I've had to completely rerecorded the audio. Nezahualcóyotl mighta come out on the first take, but seems like lately there have been lots of rewrites and changes made after the initial recording and editing. Like I'll finish and then go back and do it again. That sucks. I like doing it and having it be done. Unfortunately, now I've evolved to the point where I like it to be done well. Coupla months ago I woulda just uploaded anything to the youtube and been done with it. The fun is in learning 'bout dude and his era or field of expertise and then writing a humorous summary of his accomplishments and setting it to pictures. That is a lot of fun. Having an idea and then finding a google images picture that matches it perfectly. Me giggling as I watch my youtube is more reminding myself of how much fun I had than anything else

now, much as I still enjoy all the creativity, the end result is also important to me. Suppose earlier it was also more a matter of churning out a dude a week as well, wheres now I opt for quality over a consistent quantity. The video you see here is the good one, but I also uploaded the draft one. Put a whole bunch of notes on the description too, not that I think anyone really cares, but I reckon it doesn't hurt to document the process. Kinda like the director's commentary on the deleted scenes portion of the DVD

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[1]um . . . 張騫 left on his mission when he was 57 and didn't return until he was 70. Isn't that a bit older than Indiana Jones or Cap'n Kirk?
stupid questions are supposed to go in the intro, not the footnotes. Plus Indiana Jones was 58 in that horrible Shia LaBouef meets Jar-Jar Binks nuke the fridge movie. And was played by a 66 year old Harrison Ford. Cap'n Kirk was 60 in the Generations movie played by a 63 year old William Shatner. So shut up

Barbaros Hayreddin Paşa

questions/controvercies this video inspired
how is he responsible for Columbus and Vasco Da Gama and them if he didn't even start being a pirate until years after they left on their voyages?
shut up. Europeans couldn't use the Mediteranian for trade due to piracy. He was the #1 pirate of all time. Maybe Columbus and Vasco Da Gama and them knew what was good for them and pre-emptively starting seeking alternate routes to Asia

um . . . the Knights Hospitaller provided medical care to pilgrims in the Holy Land. Hospitaller = Hospital. They weren't pirates or mercenaries
ok, and the Ku Klux Klan were merely a non-profit organization advocating the rights of a marginalized group victimized by the occupying government. You're an idiot

wasn't the Geoffrey Rush character Captain Barbossa from the Pirates of the Caribbean movies based on him?
no, shut up

um . . . those don't look like Andalusians in the thumbnail pic. You sure those are Muslims fleeing Spain?
ha ha ha, you got me. Those are Rohingya refugees who were denied entry into Thailand. The other google image results for "boat people" were Vietnamese or Hatian or (even you have your SafeSearch set to "Strict") topless ladies with unnaturally large breats. Still though, persecuted Muslims in an old-timey looking boat fleeing an oppressive government (Myanmar) is totally applicable to how dude and his brother got their nickname

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looked up how to pronounce the Turkish alphabet so I could try to get his name right, but kinda surprised that of all the youtubes folks have made 'bout him no one talks. Mostly just music and pictures and text. I like this one the best

at 5:33, this is by far the longest youtube yet. It also has over 100 images, another record. Originally this one was going to be a rush job, as I had internet drama for a few days and really wanted to get in a January ADW. Coulda cranked it out and together with the year in review one woulda had me 2 blogs for the month. Instead decided to take my time and just let it get finished when it got finished. I have a lot of fun researching and writing these (not so much fun the editing) and seemed a pity to waste the joy stressing 'bout a self-imposed deadline. My stats can be skewed, I don't care

missing my deadline meant I stopped caring and it wound up taking me an entire week ere I finally got around to finishing it. Originally was too lazy to even rerecord the poor audio, but for whatever reason whenever I tried to save it (publish movie), it kept skipping the first half of sentences. So I rerecorded the entire thing. Bleah. I want an intern or somebody. Labor here in India is cheap, see if I can't get me someone to edit and do all the annoying tedious tasks for me


. . .


most everything I found relating to him read just like the wikipedia article, but apparently there is someone else out there doing what I do albeit in blog form and with an emphasis on violence. My Awesome Dudes can be scientists/inventors, religious folk/philosophers, emperors/kings, military conquerors/strategists, or whomever I deem sufficiently interesting. My colleague over at Badass of the Week has chosen a much narrower scope on which to focus




I heartily applaud him for his project and wish him all the best. Here's his Hayreddin Barbossa one

. . .

initially had him ranked better "than pretty much any pirate before or since," but figured I should do a lil' research to verify that entirely unsubstantiated claim. Turns out I was wrong. Really wrong. There is no other pirate who even comes close. His brother, the original Baba Oruç, is prolly the second best pirate of all time. All the other pirates in history combined don't have half the resume of this guy. I'd provide some links or drop some names, but no one even deserves to be considered his peer. Seriously, don't ask the google for a list of pirates. You will be disappointed. While the Puerto Rican Robin Hood and a few others certainly deserve their statues, most pirates are nothing more than breakfast cereal mascots

. . .

everyone who has ever uttered the phrase "war on terror" needs to watch Rambo III. Laurence of Arabia is a better movie, but Rambo hits a lil' closer to home since it is the Mujahideen he inspires to be awesome. Rambo III is without question the #1 Taliban recruiting video of all time

ADW 2K9 year in review

so while making this video was good times and I am quite pleased with the results, it also served to remind me how much I hate editing videos. I tend to be more of an ideas guy, some good and mostly bad, but big picture stuff is my specialty. Can rock details and be meticulous as well, but tend to get bored after a while. Which is why I still have yet to post that state quarters blog from April 2K9. Editing videos sucks. Or at least it does using Windows Movie Maker

all in all, ADW had a pretty good inaugural year. Obviously lots of mistakes and sloppiness, but reckon the youtubes've achieved an equilibrium with which I can be content. Sound quality was without a doubt the most annoying inconsistency. Some of 'em are barely even audible, others have too much static or an explosion/silence when I say a word that begins with the letter p. Most of those issues could be easily rectified if ever decide to rerecord/remix any of 'em, but that ain't gonna be happening any time soon

also glad I finally ended the long-running youtube thumbnail drama. When you embed a video, the image that appears before you push play is called the thumbnail. Youtube lets you chose the thumbnail from one of three images, supposedly capturing what appears at the 1/4, 1/2, and 3/4 marks of the video. 'Cept it often messes up the timing and gives you images that are not from the 1/4, 1/2, and 3/4 marks. Usually you can just re-edit the video and add a second or two to either the beginning or end and get a new set of thumbnails. Since I often have jokes and tangential references that really shouldn't be the official ADW youtube image, it is important that I get an appropriate thumbnail. Best one is for sure the official ADW pic of dude with his dates. Worst is the official ADW pic of someone else. Still from movies or jokes/tangential references without context are also completely unacceptable. Editing and uploading a video that is already finished ain't no fun at all. 'Specially when you gotta do it a whole bunch of times. Quite infuriating when it takes longer to get an appropriate thumbnail picture that it did to do the research, write the script, and make the video


(click on it for a bigger picture, the blogspot only supports tiny images)

Youtube didn't give me the option of using Raden Wijaya's official ADW pic until I added an extra 2 minutes of dead time to the original video. It kept wanting me to use Gajah Mada's future ADW teaser or Daniel Day Lewis versing Leonardo DiCaprio or a bombed out Beirut. These images all perfectly illustrated something in the video, but made no sense at all as a Rayden Wijaya thumbnail. Eventually I opted for the monsoon winds pic. Stressful and completely unproductive to versus the youtube over thumbnail images. Also uploaded 10 墨子 and 16 تیمور videos, but didn't feel the need to document my doing so for posterity

. . .

might shy away from, if not completely abolish the quota system. Realized I messed up by following Βελισάριος with Nezahualcóyotl in the 5th installment of the "other" quadrant. 'Merican following the European was precedent, but forgot I had swapped out the African for a European because couldn't find sufficient info 'bout any አክሱም dudes. 2 Europeans, 2 'Mericans, and 0 Africans in the backwards tribes and castes category. So much for quotas. Plus, aside from some Sapa Incas I gotta translate from the Spanish to the English wikipedias, don't really have that many more worthy 'Mericans. And Africa is even more hurting. Providing youtubes to under-recognized folks remains the objective, but I refuse to belittle the awesomeness by including any tokens




. . .


surprising the number of dudes whose lives straddled eras. Tried to stick the tweeners in their period of floruit (like my dates are 1979 - 20??, but my fl. clearly puts me in the 2000 - 2500 category) and that helped a bit. Stil have a coupla that achieved awesomeness over multiple 500 year spans, but whatever



obviously I have too high a percentage of medieval dudes. I'll try and increase the number of old-school brothers, but as my infatuation with golden era Islamic scholars is unlikely to diminish, doubt the graph will change all that significantly. The numbers for the most recent cohort are fine, since they should be 'bout half those of the others according to the "Gotta have at least a coupla hundred years of perspective ere you can be deemed awesome" rule I expounded upon in the first non-canonical ADW. While the difficulty of finding information is often correlated with the old-timeyness of the dude it is regarding, I'll try and get some more BC folks (and not just Chinese ones) in the MMX

Nezahualcóyotl

from henceforth the tangential questions pretaining to the video will be answered now instead of a week later:
1. wait, wasn't Itzcoatl the leader of the Aztec Triple Alliance?
he ain't on no 100 peso bill

2. who's translation of the poem did you use? That's not quite the same as what the wikipedia says
I translated the Spanish on the 100 peso bill into English. No idea who translated Nezahualcóytl into Spanish from whatever language, but I translated the Spanish into English. And my translation is perfect. Suppose I should correct the errors on the wikipedia, but I just don't care. Not really all that big of a deal that folks completely changed all the punctuation from the original

3. wait, you have 110 kids?
no stupid, I am one of the few dudes who'll admit to enjoying being emasculated by the smell of flowers (lilacs are my favorite)

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first image that comes to mind when I think of Rodrigo Díaz de Vivar is Charleton Heston, but reckon each actor only gets to be one historical figure. Plus Ethpaña got plenty of ADW caliber statues of El Cid from which to obtain a thugged out profile pic

quite proud of the15th centurty warrior slash king slash poet reference to ಶ್ರೀ ಕೃಷ್ಣದೇವರಾಯ. Apparently the youtube was too, since they selected that as this video's thumbnail pic. Silly youtube thumbnail selection. Tried my darnedest to beat ém, but since I lost the versus, figure I might as well join 'em

this'll most likely be the last ADW of the year. Fell off pretty hard since leaving South Beach, but still managed to get in a few every month. India started off a bit slow, but once I get me some USB internet in January I'll make up for it. Jokes next week and then that'll be all for a while

_________________________________

here go them paragraphs I promised in response to the previous ADW question:
wait, wasn't Issac Newton the first guy to do gravity?
nah, folks new 'bout gravity long before Newton's time. Aristotle had this whole Happy Gilmoresque theory of objects having a desire to return to their natural place, and while racist Europeans were content with that for a good 2000 years, other parts of the world decided not to partake in the ignorance. بیرونی translated last week's ADW thusly:

"All heavy things are attracted towards the center of the earth. [...] The earth on all its sides is the same; all people on earth stand upright, and all heavy things fall down to the earth by a law of nature, for it is the nature of the earth to attract and to keep things"

one of Dem موسى‎ Boyz foreshadowed Isaac's law of universal gravitation and ابن الهيثم was all 'bout centers of mass and magnitude of acceleration due to gravity. الخزيني‎ 'splained all 'bout force, mass, and weight and broke down the specific gravities of a bunch of stuff. Mikołaj Kopernik, Galileo, and Bobby Hooke were big into the gravity as well

ब्रह्मगुप्त

only one question this week, but promise I'll get y'all an answer several paragraphs long

1. wait, wasn't Issac Newton the first guy to tell everyone 'bout gravity?
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the google images didn't have any pictures, but the Hindi wikipedia came through. Might be the most sensual mathematician portrait ever. I didn't include his perfectly sculpted muscles in his official ADW ID, but if anyone wants to fantasize 'bout a 7th century underwear model with an IQ of 257, can't do much better than this guy. I don't think anyone will be able to compete with SRK as Ashoka, but ब्रह्मगुप्त overtakes بن خلدون as the sexiest ADW to date

. . .

not sure if all the Schoolhouse Rock cartoons sucked, but I would not recommend that you click here to watch the youtube of My Hero, Zero. Better to remain nostalgic and disagree with me based on your memories. Perhaps this clip was just a particularly uninspired one, but I can think of far better ways to waste 3 minutes of time. Like watching this followed by this. That there is a WAY more entertaining use of 3 minutes


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questions from last week regarding issues I avoided
1. wait, who was his father? Sure his mama didn't get knocked up by someone else?
oh, who cares. Just more proof that bastards and adoptees can grow up to do anything their lil' illegitimate hearts desire

2. why didn't you mention anything 'bout his ironic death? He had doctors making him immortality pills and wound up dying from mercury poisoning
get outta here. Stuff like 蓬莱山 has nothing to do with anything. Pretty much every megalomaniac dictator goes through a cheating death phase. Punchline here was that the folks he sent to get the elixir of life from 安期生 never returned because they knew they'd be killed

3. didn't he basically spend the last years of his life trying to find the elixir of life?
I already covered this in the answer to the previous question. Plus his empire continues to grow and expand and increase in awesomeness more than 2,000 years later. Let's not underestimate his legacy. HE MADE CHINA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

秦始皇

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questions regarding issues I avoided
1. wait, who was his father? Sure his mama didn't get knocked up by someone else?

2. why didn't you mention anything 'bout his ironic death? He had doctors making him immortality pills and wound up dying from mercury posioning

3. didn't he basically spend the last years of his life trying to find the elixer of life?
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some things said he was born in Hendan, but couldn't confirm it to my satisfaction so I chose to err on the side of caution rather than error. Chose to err on the side of sloppy sound editing when I rerecording the last lil' bit because I didn't much care for the punchline I had in the original. ADW2.0 is all 'bout being a week late because you spent an excessive amout of time not publishing so you can tweak some minute detail. Someone needs some interns, STAT!!! Redid the ruloph pic. Made his nose redder and the names of the other deer a lil' clearer. Also had some burned alive pictures, but decided not to include them. Featured dead hookers in a previous one, but those were more comedic due to the pictures being of actresses pretending to be dead hookers and not actual dead hookers. These were actual people getting burned alive. Reckoned that while people don't mind hearing tales of death and destruction, some might be squimish at witnessing it in action. Didn't want the shock value to distract from the education, so I opted to leave out. Plenty of folks get burned alive though. We had a pretty famous one a few years back in Texas, and several hundred women have been burned alive in US occupied Iraq. North Korean military and South African mob violence and drug dealers in Rio too, but those tend to be isolated events, whereas more chicks have been burned alive under our watch in Iraq than were scholars under 秦始皇's reign


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answers to last week's angry questions from people whom I offended:

1. what do you mean he didn't convert people? He converted the King of Georgia at swordpoint
not like ბაგრატ V really converted to Islam, that was just a farce so he could get himself released
2. why didn't you say anything 'bout kurash 'rassling? It's not an Olympic event, but is kinda a big deal in the Asian games. He was a proponent, you shoulda shown this oft-overlooked sport some love
you're right. The video was running a bit long though, and I opted to emphasis his contributions to chess over 'rassling. Don't regret flashing a picture and telling a joke at the moment, but I might a few months from now. In which case I'll issue you an apology and promise to do a remix just like for ਗੁਰੂ ਨਾਨਕ ਦੇਵ

تیمور

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angry questions from people whom I offended:
1. what do you mean he didn't convert people? He converted the King of Georgia at swordpoint

2. why didn't you say anything 'bout kurash 'rassling? It's not an Olympic event, but is kinda a big deal in the Asian games. He was a proponent, you shoulda shown this oft-overlooked sport some love
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the original youtube of this clocked in at just under 5 minutes, making it by far the longest one yet. There were some parts I coulda cut, but I like one take and done. Been having major drama with my youtube thumbnails though, and after 5 uploadings (editing the length of the video to change the random images that youtube allows me to use as the thumbnail) I still couldn't get a resonable image. Certainly annoying, especially since such a high percentage of the video is his ADW ID

never re-edited or done a second take before, but reckoned it was time for that streak to come to an end. Been slacking on the ADWs as of late; couldn't finish 墨子 in Miami or Boston, and did Βελισάριος drunk, which turned out less than ideal. Figured since this was the first of the promised ones that came to fruition, it was high time to class the operation up a bit. Turns out that I had his dates wrong when I flashed him as a future ADW too. 1370 was when he founded his dynasty, not when he was born. I'm sure I've made lots of mistakes (mispronuncing the Kushan empire was on purpose), but this is the first embarassing one across which I've come

flawlessly spliced a few bits from the original recording into version 2.0. The camels versus elephants bit was more emotional and comedic the first time around, as were his warnings from beyond the grave so I used those. Reworded a few passages as well. Basically just tightened the whole thing up a bit. Still couldn't get the correct thumbnail picture though, even after a record-setting 17 edits and uploads. That is just ridiculous. The youtube proved even more stubborn than me though, so after 6 days of failure decided to settle for the chess board. Losing a week of productivity ain't really worth the satisfaction of having the correct thumbnail image appear when the video is embedded

. . .

the standard go to picture of wheel-chair dudes being hard-core is prolly a still from that movie Murderball, but I opted for something a lil' more personal. Other than me and Matthew McConehey, pretty much the only people who play on the myspace are aspiring rappers. I like the myspace infinitely better than I do the facebook, and in a futile attempt to prolong its relevance I approve of all friend requests from aspiring rappers. I get 'bout a half-dozen of 'em every week, and rarely do I bother clicking on their profile page as increasing their friends count fulfills the extent of my giving back to the virtual community. This one dude intrigued me though. In his thumbnail picture it appeared that he was smoking a blunt. You can't smoke blunts in myspace profile pictures. That is so bad-ass. I clicked on his profile to view the picture in a larger size, and in addition to his numerous tattoos (including facial) and ubiquitous shots of him posing with his boyz throwing up signs, he is proudly smoking a blunt. What a thug. He's also in a wheelchair. Needless to say, MAJE$TY DA $TREETKING has been my #1 friend on the myspace for a few weeks now

. . .

since this turned out to be the first ADW 2.0, appropriate that I old schooled it and used a picture from the very fist video . Also recycled a camel from a previous one. Emassing quite the collection of stock photos

. . .

obviously the poisoned tusked elephants were Elephas maximus and not Loxodonta africana, but the only raging Asian elephants I could find didn't have tusks. The ones that محمود الدین ناصر‎ had were also wearing chain mail. While my intention is to diseminate knowledge rather than ignroance, hopefully an unarmed stampede of the incorrect genus nonetheless served to illistrate the improvosational skills of تیمور

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zingers for the militants:
1. dropped tha ball on not big upping Thracian people. Sparticus, both emperors in your youtube, son of Ares, the Illiad, Herodotus ranking 'em #2 behind India in population, from Skudra to conquering Persia with Alex the Great, shoulda kinda mentioned some of that
less you got some kinda proof, I'ma say he was Illyrian. Born in Illyria = Illyrian 'til you gimme something better

2. um . . . Persians owned the Byzantines. What are you talking 'bout?
I totally mentioned that his military achievements came with lil' support. He was completely outmanned. No way he coulda won. Victory + stalemate = them settling for extracting tribute. If Palau played Brasil in futebol and beat 'em 1-0 in the home game and tied 'em 0-0 in São Paulo, that for sure counts as something their coach can put on his resume

Βελισάριος

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militant people who will get zingered in next week's mailbag responses:
1. dropped the ball on not big upping Thracian people. Spartacus, both emperors in your youtube, son of Ares, the Iliad, Herodotus ranking 'em #2 behind India in population, from Skudra to conquering Persia with Alex the Great, shoulda kinda mentioned some of that

2. um . . . Persians owned the Byzantines. What are you talking 'bout?


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I actually don't think they were chanting "Εν Τουτω Νικα" during the riots, but still. Can't nobody be mad at me for setting the Nika riots to this guy's soundtrack. Off by a dozen emperors and a coupla hundred years, but I doubt anyone else is gonna find a more appropriate heavy metal song and set it to rioting Simpsons

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last week's proverbial peanut gallery that wouldn't let me off the hook for avoiding these pressing issues in last week's video:
1) why didn't you mention something 'bout his father being from the शूद्र caste?
shut up
2) why didn't you mention something 'bout his father being from the ক্ষত্রিয় caste?
shut up
3) wait, why did you spell क्षत्रिय in Bengali?
shut up
4) weren't they Punjabi?
shut up
5) or descendants of sun-worship Persians?
shut up
6) enough with the ethnicity, I wanna know where you got your languages of the world rankings. Or did you just kinda make 'em up?
there are no accurate numbers on this, so any ranking is subjective. Since I am smarter than most of the people who make the rankings, I have no problem coming up with my own. Chinese is still #1, and while English is increasing (mostly amongst those who do not speak it as their primary language), most of the hundreds of millions who speak English as a second language are less fluent than are the hundreds of millions who speak Chinese as a first. The Spanish numbers are some of the most predictable, whereas the Hindi/Urdu ones are anybody's guess. Way more people in India/Pakistan that anyone wants to admit though, so they get the nod there. Russian below French and Portuguese since it is declining in population. France below Portuguese for the same reason. Folks in Africa, but no one else needs or cares 'bout it as a Lingua Franca. Still more relevant than German though, so Deutsch got bumped from the list
7) I appreciate your overview of Bengali highlights, but why didn't you mention something 'bout all the smoking hot women?
sounds like you need to get yourself on the mailing list
GOL Bengali people!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
8) wait, how is he responsible for mongroves and tigers?
the word is spelled mangroves

ধর্মপাল

the proverbial peanut gallery demands answers. I avoided these issues in the video, but some folks just love themselves some controversy:
1) why didn't you say something 'bout his father being from the शूद्र caste?
2) why didn't you say something 'bout his father being from the ক্ষত্রিয় caste?
3) wait, why did you spell क्षत्रिय in Bengali?
4) weren't they Punjabi?
5) or descendants of sun-worship Persians?
6) enough with the ethnicity, I wanna know where you got your languages of the world rankings. Or did you just kinda make 'em up?
7) I appreciate your overview of Bengali highlights, but why didn't you mention something 'bout all the smoking hot women?
8) wait, how is he responsible for mangroves and tigers?
__________________________________

the wikipedia mentioned that after conquering the Pratiharas he boasted he was "Uttarapathasvamin or Lord of Northern India." I wanted to color in the map and write that bad-assed title on the new oval of purple Pala Empire that he conquered



getting that name in Bengali was a lil' difficult though. Had to Noah Webster it up a bit and learn me some Sanskrit and Hindi, but I got it. None of that easy clicking on hyperlinks or asking the google or the wiktionary. Old school internet and searching on sites of questionable legitimacy to get some answers. Plenty of bad/useless information out there, but after some thugged out brainstorming I got it. Then a few days later I got some of my people in India to confirm it. That's how I roll

Here go my winning sources:
1
2
3
4

much thanks to the Majumdar family as well

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Answers to last week's quiz
Shandong is the undisputed #1 source of Awesome Dudes of the Week, with twice the number of ADWs born there than anywhere else in the world. There is however, another state than can lay claim to birthing even more if future ADWs are taken into account. From whence comest a triumvirate of dudes?
Uzbekistan, which in addition to having the most Awesome Dudes, also has a ridiculously high ADW per capita (1 per 9 million current denizens)

墨子

quiz
Shandong is the undisputed #1 source of Awesome Dudes of the Week, with twice the number of ADWs born there than anywhere else in the world. There is however, another state than can lay claim to birthing even more if future ADWs are taken into account. From whence comest a triumvirate of dudes?


gotta admit that I was proud of myself for instantly relating Mohism's stance against fatalism to one of the main tenets of Terminatorism[1]. Most folks prolly wouldn't associate the works of James Cameron with any of the Hundred Schools of Thought from the Warring States Period, but fortunately for y'all I am way smarter than pretty much everyone on the planet. That I got John Connor telling Ahnold "There is no fate but what we make for ourselves" with Chinese subtitles is beyond even my own lofty expectations though. That is just insane. All hail the king of fusing ancient Chinese philosophy with early 90's pop culture. In your face Family Guy manatee jokes



notes

this guy made a Terminator monster ballad. Pure genius. The lyrics are all there if you click on the (more info) thing

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Answers to last week's quiz

1. with a picture shout-out this week, who ties بیرونی as the most referenced person in ADW history?
Κλαύδιος Πτολεμαίος. Reckon once you get your second recognition in another dude's video that qualifies you for future ADW status. The threshold for inclusion will likely increase in the future, but since two mentions at this points means you've appeared in over 15% the youtube bios, that is pretty darn impressive. Course, بیرونی caught his 2nd after only 5 vids, giving him an insane 40% appearance rate. Still though, congrats to Egypt for having a son rank amongst the most mentioned

بو علي، الحسن بن الحسن بن الهيثم

quiz
1. with a picture shout-out this week, who ties بیرونی as the most referenced person in ADW history?
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y'all almost caught jokes this week, but I punked out at the last minute and opted for the typical medieval Muslim scholar. Lots of interesting non-academics, but that whole racist propaganda of "The Dark Ages" followed by "The Scientific Revolution" just pisses me off. How you think things just magically jumped from Aristotle to 1543? Attila the Hun, the bubonic plague, and then the Renaissance? No one thinks there might be something missing there?

. . .

I wanted to see if I could find a pro 'rasslin'esque picture that would do the name "The Physicist" justice. Most people don't think of physicists as bringers of pain, but if there were a pro 'rassler named "The Physicist" I guarantee you he would be a bad guy who would just punish people. He'd be a really big nasty ogre who would pummel little guys using torque and centripetal force and all sorts of cool finishing moves. The google images gave me plenty of pictures of scientists, a bikini chick, some jokes, and finally an album cover for what looked like a heavy metal band. It was exactly the picture for which I was looking. The band's name was Devin Townsend, so I typed that into the google images. I don't know anything 'bout Devin Townsend, but I hope when I tell my 14-year-old son to turn down that music, he will be rocking something similar. What parent wouldn't be proud of their pimply lil' virgin for blasting this guy

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answer to last week's question

Mongols = "the most powerful empire in the history of the world" Really? Sure 'bout that one?

who you got? No one inspired fear like the Mongols. No one had a bigger empire. No one wrecked shop as quickly. No one cared less 'bout governing or converting people. They just straight thugged out and conquered. Plus they introduced the plague to Europe. Pax Mongoliana = the spread of the bubonic plague across the Eurasian landmass. What other empire spread disease like that? Spain smallpoxed the mess outta 'Merica, but they can't touch the Mongols. Alexander might be #1 of all time, but he was just a one hit wonder. Romans had some longevity, but they needed lots of campaigns and centuries to establish themselves. Plus they did sissy things like build aqueducts and have parades. The early days of Islam were pretty phenomenal, with Muhammad and them controlling Portugal to India, but they have that whole no booze and no swine thing working against them. You can't claim to be the baddest-asses ever if when offered a bacon double cheeseburger and a beer and you say "yeah, that sound delicious, but my religion kinda forbids those things"

Mongols win. How many Romans were in Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure? You think there is an action figure of Julius Caesarplaying drums for the Wyld Stallyns?

Rayden Wijaya

Mongols = "the most powerful empire in the history of the world" Really? Sure 'bout that one?

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soooooooooo much drama trying to get a picture this week. There are no pictures of this guy. None. On a google image search for any of his names. There is some statue with lotsa arms, but that ain't dude. Pretty sure if he had bonus limbs that woulda been mentioned at some point. The best is of this kid's facebook profile. He likes pizza and Metalica and Ashley Tinsdale and Oreos and Ashton Kutcher and sleeping and Vin Disel and pizza and sleeping. Dislikes include mosquitoes, "battery low," and text messages comprised of single words. He came really to becoming the official ADW ID of his namesake, but then I found someone had posted these:



dude said he felt like the statue's eyes were always following him. It is an intense statue, which makes for a perfect ADW ID. Just had to figure out which of the two angles I liked better (the third picture was too dark) and choose my zoom setting. After careful deliberation, I went with straight ahead and extreme close-up. Someone else appreciated the pics and posted this:



I agree, mantab ini indeed. His lil' smiley dude does a cheers thing and blinks at you too


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Infrequently Asked Questions Answers
Q. did the non-Sri Lankan fourth Buddhist council really happen? Étienne Lamotte says it was just a legend
A. that 5th one ain't recognized either outside of Myanmar, but I kicked it with the largest book in the world when I was in Mandalay

Q. hold up, the Indo-Parthians weren't Buddhist, they were straight up Persian Zoroastrians
A. yeah, and the Indo-Greeks were white folks from Europe. What's your point? Lots of religious diversity and fusion of stuff, but don't tell me An Shigao and An Xuan and them weren't Parthians. What'd I say? "Basically if you're a Buddhist, Aryan, Indo-anything and your kingdom slash empire was located within greater metropolitan North West India, you'se from North West India". So shut up. Plus you are supposed to ask a question. I asked you two in an attempt to offset your failure to comply with establish ADW blog precedent

Κανηϸκι

Infrequently Asked Questions
1. did the non-Sri Lankan fourth Buddhist council really happen? Étienne Lamotte says it was just a legend

2. hold up, the Indo-Parthians weren't Buddhist, they were straight up Persian Zoroastrians


OTHER PEOPLE ACTUALLY MADE HOMEMADE YOUTUBE BIOGRAPHIES OF THIS GUY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
it's been a while since I had some peers/competition. Nothing like learning all 'bout a dude and encapsulating his life in a silly 3 minute video full of stolen and uncited pictures and then watching other people's versions of the same thing. The hippie kids over at opensourcebuddhism have 3 relevant videos (1, 2, 3). They all pronounced the name of the empire phonetically, obviously failing to realize the comedic potential of purposefully mispronouncing it. Betcha had they done one on Krishnadevaraya, they coulda said the name of his empire without giggling uncontrollably too

. . .

dude's lack of dates annoyed me a bit, but I've been doing lots of recording dead people's vital stats over on The Extended Fam Project and I've reluctantly had to settle for question marking decades. Sometimes the dates of birth and death aren't known, but usually you can get 'em circa within a few years. For rulers, often times their dates in power are easier to ascertain (kinda like how you can catch a floruit for normal people), but this guy's stats are pretty elusive. Comfortable question marking decades, but not centuries, so I had to punk out and list him as circa. Ain't hating on Harry Falk, but if Robert Bracey is skeptical[1] so am I

. . .

the North West India one is the first map I've made. If I felt like trying just a lil' harder, I'd take a screen shot from the google maps and shade in parts of it. I always ask the wikipedia for the modern names of historical places and then consult the google maps. If you use the "Get Directions" thing you can plot multiple points. Not sure if anyone other than me would ever ask, but the google maps could not calculate directions between Kucha, Mathura, and Balkh. My lil' North West India map ain't really based on much as I just decided to simultaneously be bold and blatantly disregardful of having any sort of evidence to back up my claims. Whatever, not like my non-Muslim youtube videos get more than 50 views anyways

. . .

wanna be made to feel really, really, really ignorant? I'd recommend taking a few of these Silk Road quizzes. I mixed up a coupla the European ex-USSR countries on the modern states one, but aced everything else. Them other quizzes kicked my butt. Never even heard of half the places. Don't laugh, half is impressive. If you wanna feel humbled, give these a go



notes

[1]Robert Bracey runs a website called kushan.org. He cares way more 'bout correct dates of things than I do. It took me a coupla these articles ere I stopped caring. How many can you get through?
1
2
3
4
5
6

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responses to the hecklers:

1. c'mon, like you've never had an opinion regarding something 'bout which you were only vaguely familiar?
didn't say couldn't have, said not entitled

2. why didn't you use the borrowing arrows with thatched boats and the empty fort stragegy stories to segue into them 36 stratagems?
c'mon now, these are whimsical lil' Awesome Dude of the Week youtubes. No way I can even proverbially scratch the proverbial surface of that. Plus it is beyond awesome and therefore outside the jurisdiction of this blog

諸葛亮

preemptive criticism from the proverbial peanut gallery:
1. c'mon, like you've never had an opinion regarding something 'bout which you were only vaguely familiar?

2. why didn't you use the borrowing arrows with thatched boats and the empty fort strategy stories to segue into them 36 stratagems?


more drama with choosing the official ADW pic. The one the committee liked best was lacking color, but after much consideration and several failed attempts to improve its faults, it was declared the winner. Here go the final four

. . .

not saying you actually gotta read the book (I know damn well you don't read books and prolly haven't even been to your local library in years), but at least familiarize yourself with some of the main characters. Don't have to read Shakespeare to know Romeo & Juliet or "to be or not to be." Even non-practitioners of Judaism-based religions should know 'bout Eve & the snake & the apple, Noah & the ark, Sampson & Delilah, Moses & his commandments and all that. If you have an education that qualifies you to work outside of the food service industry, you should at least know the names of Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle. Not telling you to put down the Stephen King/Danielle Steele, but if you watched that Matrix movie and thought anything other than "wow, they sure used a lotta special effects to tell a really bad version of Plato's cave simile" then you ain't smarter than the average bear

and don't hate on Keanu Reeves. He is a great actor. If you don't believe me, watch him in Bill & Ted or Steve Martin's Parenthood. Not saying he's Laurence Olivier, but he was the 2nd best California surfer dude actor of the late 80s/early 90s


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answers to last week's quiz

1. if there are slightly less than an extra 6 hours in a year, doesn't adding a leap day every 4 years still result in some discrepancy?
yup, that's why we add a leap day every 4 years 'cept when the year is divisible by 100 (1700, 1800, 1900) unless the year is divisible by 400 (1600, 2000). Could do a 128 year cycle thing or something with years divisible by 4000 to make it even better, but it's still a while off ere any discrepancies will arise

2. why wasn't Al-Biruni mentioned in the list of astronomers?
he already got shot outs in multiple other dudes' videos. The point was folks before and after, not an exhaustive list of everybody. Plus I left out Tycho Brahe and Kepler and a bunch of other people. The real reason though is because I'm racist and only recognize the contributions of Europeans. And people who I creatively interpret to be Europeans. Like Ptolemy was Greek. I don't care if he was from Egypt, Egyptian people still count as white Europeans. As do folks born in Turkey (Hipparchus). And Babylonians. Plus Uzbekistan used to be part of the Soviet Union so that totally makes Al-Biruni a white European too


3. week 1 = Persian Uzbeki, week 5 = African Berber whose family immigrated from Spain, week 9 = Turkish Sabian. Are we ever going to get an Arab ADW?
you're an idiot