商鞅

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Q&A

wasn't he gay?
you're thinking of Lord Long Yang. This is Lord Shang Yang

why are severe punishments referred to as draconian?
the word "draconian" is a shout out to Δράκων, who back 'round 620BC, wrote down all the laws and posted 'em up so they were accessible to all. Prior to this, the laws were just oral ones that were applied and enforced kinda arbitrarily. Dude legitimized everything by publishing the whole set, and significantly increased the number of infractions punishable by death. Hence the term "draconian." Coupla years later, Σόλων revised the laws and made Athens

who was that guy with the silly hat that you said made China?
秦始皇
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making youtubes for dudes who deserve 'em is one thing, but making youtubes for dudes that posterity has hereunto under appreciated is quite another. ADW #4 was my first. Nobody ever acknowledged the debt of gratitude that 'Merica has for the man who took us from quasi-independent vassal state to super-power, but I give credit where it is due. ϷΑΟΝΑΝΟϷΑΟ ΚΑΝΗϷΚΙ ΚΟϷΑΝΟ doesn't even rank on the majority of most influential people ever lists, but he was the 11th one I deemed an Awesome Dude of the Week

. . .

Confucius is my #1 favorite guy of all time, yet here I've done three Anti-Confucionist ADWs. There will be plenty more of 'em from the 100 schools of thought, but suppose 朱熹 should get one soon.

. . .

still ridiculously slow in churning these ones out, but at least I'm getting better at images. Almost everything in this one was either a recycled or slightly modified picture from a previous ADW. Had a few jokes, but am making an effort to curtail the use of LOLcat silliness

. . .

there is a bunch of intro stuff consisting of legends and stories and all that, and the actual laws and philosophy are kinda interesting. I didn't bother to read the whole thing and wouldn't necessarily recommend y'all do either, but anyone who is unfamiliar with the Warring States period should spend 10-15 minutes flipping through The Book of Lord Shang and getting a better appreciation for it

بیرونی

Q&A
you promised in your previous blog that you were gonna stop flashing pictures of people without saying their names, and then you did exactly that. Who were those guys involved in that "versus" thing?

I'll even give you their names in English and not their native languages:
team περιπατητικός = Aristotle, Avicenna, and Thomas Aquinas
team math/science = Al-Biruni, Ibn al-Haytham, Copernicus, Galileo, Newton, Einstien, and Larry Flynt

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since he was the punchline to the first ever ADW, it is only appropriate that he lead off season 2, which had been delayed signicantly due to a combination of laziness and this other youtube video I had to make for a job application . And then more laziness, since the whole thing was finished like 3 weeks ago and it took me that long to get around to rerecording and editing the audio (a process that takes all of 12 minutes). Promised that season 2 would be more rapid-fire and intense, so had to re-record the audio for this one. The first version was alright, but I think excited and outta breath is a better angle for me than lackadiscal and subdued. This one wasn't really excited and outta breath at all, but 'bout time I just published it already and got to work on the next one

the picture of his crater is from Google Moon. They've had Google Earth for some years now, and Google Mars is the newest one. Not content on conquering the world, our friends at Google are taking over other celestial bodies too. (disclaimer: this blog is hosted by Google, as are all my youtubes. And my emails. At the moment Google is still losing to iThings with regards to hip cell phones, but prolly not for long. GO GOOGLE ! ! ! ! !)

season 2 = faster, simpler, sloppier

been a good while, but reckon it's time to start churning out some new ADWs. The plan for now is to lessen my production values in exchange for an increase in ease and frequency. Managed to put out one a week whilst I had an address, but homelessness resulted in a drop-off in production, and outsourcing myself to India reduced 'em to a dismal average of one per month. Kept getting fancier and fancier with more pictures and behind the scenes features and all sorts of unnecessary stuff. Don't nobody care 'bout that, all folks want is some insight into things we never learned in school. 1st century Greco-Buddhists and the Pope's pirates and inventing paper and the number zero and flaming camels and stuff like that. Plus connections that defy conventions like John Conner being a proponent of Mohism and Napoléon Bonaparte being responsible for so many Miss Universes being boricuas. Ideas and opinions, not production values

check out this video and see what I mean:


that there has pictures, video clips, audio, and pretty much everything I am technologically capable of doing (with the exception of stop-motion stuff). A ridiculous amount of research and confirming and triple checking and editing and blah, blah, blah. Cute and funny, but still far from perfect. Certainly not worth the 8 weeks it took to make it. 8 weeks = too much time to spend making a 5 minute youtube

quantity over quality is the plan for now. Streamlining the operation and relegating witticisms/jokes to the blog. Also doing away with that whole refusing to say names thing that hereunto has been one of the cute/annoying hallmarks of the ADW franchise. Had this whole thing 'bout translations and that which we call a rose by any other name and all that. Also liked referring to dudes by ADW ID rather than by name. That practice ain't carrying over into Season 2

sleeker, meaner, and more hard core = the 2010-2011 ADWs

that other project

audio ain't perfect, coupla glitches and Cousin Dick's bit has some exploding "p" sounds, but I can always re-record it later. The first couple are basically just me reading the captions from the pics I posted on the myspace and in that facebook album. Had originally thought I'd do something with all the pics I have of 'em together, but maybe I'll incorporate some in later




this should only be a rough draft, hoping to have a bunch of chapters and put everything together on a DVD for everyone at the reunion in July. We'll see how productive/lazy I am over these next few months

. . .

suppose I need to work on my impressions. My Calvin Coolidge and George HW Bush sound almost identical

. . .

didn't even bother saying anything 'bout FDR or lil' George, since I figure everyone is familiar 'nuff with both of 'em. Although the phrase "me and Dub" is amazing. Like on the Cosby Show when Rudy would call her friend Bud. Cousin Dubya is his formal name, but his closest friends/family all know him as Dub

. . .

reckoned the Vietnam War pic I had was too distracting so I swapped it out for something more generic. Perhaps if you were alive during the era and were familiar with the image, it wouldn't have the same shock value, but damn. Raising any kind of controversy would defeat the purpose of this light-hearted video though, so opted to just go with a mundane pic that no one will remember

replaced this one


with this one


. . .

still not sure if Millard Fillmore is a cousin. Some of his ancestors were from Norwich, CT and Ipswich, MA. Our people founded those towns and impregnated pretty much everyone who came through, so is possible that he's another cousin

on hiatus

Q & A
if you are gonna go through the effort of resizing and uploading pictures to a photo sharing website so you can embed them into your blog entry, shouldn't you have just gone ahead and finished making your lil' youtube video?
this one had been stagnating for a while already and there are other projects on which I wanna focus. Rather than continue to push back it's release date and having this annoying guilt gnawing away at me anthropomorphically, reckoned it was better for me to proverbially put this one on the proverbial back burner[1]


that's it? You only made 4 in the last 4 months and now you're quitting? Is ADW the new LEGOMAN?
maybe. LEGOMAN had a youtube and a myspace and a blog and a gmail account. Fun times and a learning experience. And don't tell me this isn't one of the best uses of a 15 minute coffee break ever:


only thing I really regret was never using all those Rob Schneider pictures I had. LEGOMAN loved Rob Schneider and would post one of his iconic characters in the movies section of his weekly myspace profile updates. I had amassed quite a collection of Rob Schneider photos, and was gonna have LEGOMAN use a still from a film as his movies section and a shot of Rob Schneider on a talk show or somewhere (being Rob Schneider and not a character) as his heroes section. LEGOMAN's infatuation with Rob Schneider was hilarious, and I had a ridiculous stock of Rob Schneider making funny faces pictures

when will you grace us with more ADWs?
no idea. Hopefully soon. I enjoy making these, but I gotta get started on this other project that has a deadline. Everything was just temporary 'til I got settled into my apartment in Mumbai, but that never happened. 2 months later I still don't have a plan, so might as well just chalk this one up as an L and focus on other things. Might be back in a week or two with this 'Merican or might get y'all a Muslim conqueror from the 500 - 1000 era. Whatever inspires me. Don't do hardly nothing outta obligation and I've already missed too many deadlines for those to be relevant
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this one is stuck in development hell. Was actually one of the first ADWs considered and caused me to open my brain and spew an entire tangential blog on the spot. Was hoping to find a better candidate to fill the allotted quota, but reckoned I had a sufficiently creative spin to render all objections moot. Off to a great start, innovated a bit with stop motion animation, and made a pair of pictures worth a thousand words. Check out these scathing images:




take that Maryland and 'Merica

also trashed Moses and big upped Toussaint Louverture. And called out Abe Lincoln for being racist. Abe Lincoln will get spared the wrath for now, but I'll give y'all this quote and let you try to interpret it as anything other than an eloquent way to say "WHITE POWER ! ! ! !"

I am not, nor ever have been in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races. I am not nor ever have been in favor of making voters or jurors of negroes, nor qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people; and I will say in addition to this that there is a physical difference between the white and black races which I believe will ever forbid the two races living together on terms of social and political equality. ... And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.

not like that was taken outta context either (you can't take an entire paragraph outta context, an entire paragraph IS context). And not like that was the only time Honest Abe expressed his opinion on the matter. Plenty of quotes and votes and evidence of whatever type you want. Abe Lincoln was racist. Like, really really really really really racist. He'll be exposed for what he was soon 'nuff, but feel free to continue holding him in high regard 'til I get 'round to finishing and publishing this ADW. Hopefully that'll be soon, but I don't exactly have the best track record when it comes to completing tasks I postpone indefinitely. Ask me sometime 'bout that state quarters blog
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[1]have been proverbially doing things to the proverbial whatever since '07, but methinks it's high time I started emphasizing the anthropomorphical in overused metaphors. While coming up with original poetic phrases is unquestionably better, making fun of clichés is way easier. And I can totally justify it as community service because I am dissuading folks from being generic. Following the herd and not forging your own trail and marching to the beat of your own drum is a slippery slope to being a stick in the mud. JK! OMG! LOL!

चाणक्य

Q & A
why didn't you say anything 'bout him being a Sakaldwipiya from Golla?

why didn't you say anything 'bout him being a Brahmin from Takshila?

why didn't you say anything 'bout him being from Dravida?

hey, isn't that Tom Hanks in the Machiavelli stage play? I didn't know he did theater
good eye. Here is a better picture of him from the play. The role of Callimaco in La Mandragola was actually Hanks' only New York stage performance

thank you for your question. So often all I get are stupid ones berating me for neglecting to mention unsubstantiated claims of ethnicity
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Best of YouTube
most of the videos are just clips from that 47 part television series 'bout him made back in 1990

my favorite has gotta be this one. It's just a bunch of quotes set to cool chant music, but there is a charm in its simplicity and straightforwardness

this one is really odd. A female Steven Hawking voice is reading something while a kid is playing baseball and then there are some candles and this goofy music. Not quite sure what is going on there

some college students sit around drinking, smoking cigarettes, and talking 'bout his book. Not really very interesting, but suppose if you have a thing for Filipino girls . . .

this guy made a cool chart outlining key subjects in the book. Apparently, he has a bunch more stuff on his website. He has a part 2 and 3 video as well

more Filipino college students (or maybe the same ones). Ain't really my thing, but seems like them pervs who are into Asian girls could start internet dating one of these chicks with a few positive youtube comments
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DVD Bonus Features
see how I'm classing up this operation? Videos continue to improve (I hope), but it's the extras that have really been taken to the next level. Had figured my non-canonical ADW youtube account would just be for jokes and stuff, but it has quickly evolved to be so much more

realize I say "record," "reckoned," and "reckoned" within a 10 second span, but I ain't re-editing the audio on a deleted scenes commentary. Shoulda been "record," "figured," and "reckoned." Whatever, imperfect deleted scenes commentary is still raising the bar

next week I might do some outtakes. Or a full behind the scenes "the making of" ADW documentary. Outtakes are hilarious. I get all angry and curse and stuff. Sometimes I repeat a word over and over and over again to get it right. Prolly plenty of funny stuff in the C:\Users\Ian Murphy\Videos\Narration folder. I was gonna delete everything since I don't like clutter (I'm sure feng shui applies to computer hard drives as well), but perhaps I can turn some of my trash into treasure
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Ramblings and Links and Pictures and Stuff

Alexander the Great has received shout-outs in the last two ADW videos. Unprecedented. Plus he was like half of the previous blog. بیرونی had been the most anticipated future ADW since week 1, but now we have a new front-runner. अशोक is swiftly climbing the ranks as well. There were a preposterous number of ADWs and future ADWs in this video. Suppose I should list 'em all with links to their wikipedias and ADW youtubes (where applicable). I could be a jerk and link to the wikipedia written in their language, but I'll just give y'all the English ones

चाणक्य
Μέγας Ἀλέξανδρος

अशोक
秦始皇
Raden Wijaya
Nezahualcóyotl
تیمور
Βελισάριος
ধর্মপাল
ಶ್ರೀ ಕೃಷ್ಣದೇವರಾಯ
Κανηϸκι
Julius Caesar


also throw references to Ἀριστοτέλης, Πλάτων, 孔丘, and 墨子. Most likely they'll all be ADWs as well. 墨子 already got his and 商鞅 will for sure get one. Just look at his Official ADW Teaser

what amazing pose for a statue. All surly and full of contempt. That's gotta be one of the most disgruntled statues ever. He gets to be the Legalism quadrant and since 老子 is a bit too mythical for ADW status, reckon 莊子 will be the Taoist representative. And you best believe that there will be way more dudes from the Hundred Schools of Thought too. Much as I love me some medieval Muslim scholars, ancient Chinese philosophers are still my favorite

張騫

questions/controversies this video inspired
wait, how do you pronounce Kushan? In the Κανηϸκι video you kept saying Kush-un, and here you are saying Kush-an. Which is it?
it's pronounced phonetically. I was just saying it that way so I could make the joke, "more Kushan for the pushin." I apologize for misinforming everyone, especially since most folks prolly didn't realize I was pronouncing it incorrectly on purpose. Still though, the expansion of the Kushan Empire = "more Kushan for the pushin" is hilarious. And then this picture !!!!! I am too funny! Seriously though, my bad for the confusion

why didn't you mention anything 'bout him marrying a Xiongnu girl?
because it is completely irrelevant. Doesn't really matter how many wives or concubines or whatever anyone had. Or if they preferred dudes or lil' boys. What folks do in their bedrooms is their own business and really has nothing to do with them being awesome. Unless of course there was some funny harem-related drama or dude fathered 110 kids or something, in which case it totally adds to their awesomeness

the Huns were Mongolian?
just a rumor, but a pretty darn good one. And since no one has got anything better, it's kinda the default "no one knows who they were, but they might've been the Xiongnu." Plus everyone was intermarrying and had like 10 wives and their stories were only written by their victims who most likely embellished and imagined everything anyways

wait, what is so awesome 'bout 張騫? Isn't he basically just Christopher Columbus? The first Chinese guy to "discover" the west? If he wouldn't have, someone else would've within the next few decades/centuries
that's actually a very good question. Usually I just get stupid ones. Last week someone asked me 'bout an Orlando Bloom movie. At first I was going to answer you here, but decided to go back and incorporate my response into the final paragraph of the youtube. The final paragraph before the epilogue that is. That epilogue ending was just too cool to change

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for some reason I prefer watching other people's youtubes 'bout dude after I've already published mine. Makes me feel like their peer and not someone trying to mooch ideas/pictures. I think Best Non-ADW Youtube will become a regular feature of the column

this week's winner is easy. You know the video is going to be fabulous when its description is "History of Chona goes back 5000 years"

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had a lil' bit of trouble settling upon his official ADW pic. This was the one I was going to use:

he is all ugly and dumpy and cute. Too small though, and it didn't blow up well so anyone who was watching the youtube in full screen mode wouldn've just seen some pixels. Plus his silly hat didn't completely fit in the frame. There are some statues of him, but they are either generic and lacking in personality or depict him as some type of great military conqueror, whereas I want him to be more of an Indiana Jones/Cap'n Kirk type[1]. This one is kind of a cool lonely cowboy far from home shot, but is totally lacking in swagger:

and this one is just not all at awesome

went with him as a charismatic bad-ass, and decided to include the horse since the fear in its eye juxtaposed with 張騫's calm arrogance adds so much to the effect. Napoléon had the same horse, but he just comes across as effeminate


speaking of dudes who look awful in their iconic picture of them on a horse, check out Alexander the Great:

when it is really small it looks ok, but the more you zoom in the worse it gets

that is horrible. I am shocked and appalled that there ain't some better pictures of him on the google images. His ADW pic has him wearing a lion's head as a hat. Pretty damn cool:

the full statue with his horse trampling one dude and him 'bout to mash this other guy is good stuff too:

suppose I coulda used one of his shampoo commercial busts, but dude deserves a totally thugged out ADW, especially because lately his homosexuality or pedophilia or whatever has kinda overshadowed some of his awesomeness. Genghis Khan can have an unintimidating pic because his reputation precedes him. That he looks like some mild-mannered guy on a bus almost makes him even more awesome:

Μέγας Ἀλέξανδρος, however needs the emphasis to be placed upon his conquering and slaughtering and subjugating and ass-kicking. It wasn't for his sexual prowess that he is known as "the Great"

. . .

these past few ADWs I've had to completely rerecorded the audio. Nezahualcóyotl mighta come out on the first take, but seems like lately there have been lots of rewrites and changes made after the initial recording and editing. Like I'll finish and then go back and do it again. That sucks. I like doing it and having it be done. Unfortunately, now I've evolved to the point where I like it to be done well. Coupla months ago I woulda just uploaded anything to the youtube and been done with it. The fun is in learning 'bout dude and his era or field of expertise and then writing a humorous summary of his accomplishments and setting it to pictures. That is a lot of fun. Having an idea and then finding a google images picture that matches it perfectly. Me giggling as I watch my youtube is more reminding myself of how much fun I had than anything else

now, much as I still enjoy all the creativity, the end result is also important to me. Suppose earlier it was also more a matter of churning out a dude a week as well, wheres now I opt for quality over a consistent quantity. The video you see here is the good one, but I also uploaded the draft one. Put a whole bunch of notes on the description too, not that I think anyone really cares, but I reckon it doesn't hurt to document the process. Kinda like the director's commentary on the deleted scenes portion of the DVD

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[1]um . . . 張騫 left on his mission when he was 57 and didn't return until he was 70. Isn't that a bit older than Indiana Jones or Cap'n Kirk?
stupid questions are supposed to go in the intro, not the footnotes. Plus Indiana Jones was 58 in that horrible Shia LaBouef meets Jar-Jar Binks nuke the fridge movie. And was played by a 66 year old Harrison Ford. Cap'n Kirk was 60 in the Generations movie played by a 63 year old William Shatner. So shut up