Monday, February 15, 2010

張騫



questions/controversies this video inspired
wait, how do you pronounce Kushan? In the Κανηϸκι video you kept saying Kush-un, and here you are saying Kush-an. Which is it?
it's pronounced phonetically. I was just saying it that way so I could make the joke, "more Kushan for the pushin." I apologize for misinforming everyone, especially since most folks prolly didn't realize I was pronouncing it incorrectly on purpose. Still though, the expansion of the Kushan Empire = "more Kushan for the pushin" is hilarious. And then this picture !!!!! I am too funny! Seriously though, my bad for the confusion

why didn't you mention anything 'bout him marrying a Xiongnu girl?
because it is completely irrelevant. Doesn't really matter how many wives or concubines or whatever anyone had. Or if they preferred dudes or lil' boys. What folks do in their bedrooms is their own business and really has nothing to do with them being awesome. Unless of course there was some funny harem-related drama or dude fathered 110 kids or something, in which case it totally adds to their awesomeness

the Huns were Mongolian?
just a rumor, but a pretty darn good one. And since no one has got anything better, it's kinda the default "no one knows who they were, but they might've been the Xiongnu." Plus everyone was intermarrying and had like 10 wives and their stories were only written by their victims who most likely embellished and imagined everything anyways

wait, what is so awesome 'bout 張騫? Isn't he basically just Christopher Columbus? The first Chinese guy to "discover" the west? If he wouldn't have, someone else would've within the next few decades/centuries
that's actually a very good question. Usually I just get stupid ones. Last week someone asked me 'bout an Orlando Bloom movie. At first I was going to answer you here, but decided to go back and incorporate my response into the final paragraph of the youtube. The final paragraph before the epilogue that is. That epilogue ending was just too cool to change

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for some reason I prefer watching other people's youtubes 'bout dude after I've already published mine. Makes me feel like their peer and not someone trying to mooch ideas/pictures. I think Best Non-ADW Youtube will become a regular feature of the column

this week's winner is easy. You know the video is going to be fabulous when its description is "History of Chona goes back 5000 years"

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had a lil' bit of trouble settling upon his official ADW pic. This was the one I was going to use:

he is all ugly and dumpy and cute. Too small though, and it didn't blow up well so anyone who was watching the youtube in full screen mode wouldn've just seen some pixels. Plus his silly hat didn't completely fit in the frame. There are some statues of him, but they are either generic and lacking in personality or depict him as some type of great military conqueror, whereas I want him to be more of an Indiana Jones/Cap'n Kirk type[1]. This one is kind of a cool lonely cowboy far from home shot, but is totally lacking in swagger:

and this one is just not all at awesome

went with him as a charismatic bad-ass, and decided to include the horse since the fear in its eye juxtaposed with 張騫's calm arrogance adds so much to the effect. Napoléon had the same horse, but he just comes across as effeminate


speaking of dudes who look awful in their iconic picture of them on a horse, check out Alexander the Great:

when it is really small it looks ok, but the more you zoom in the worse it gets

that is horrible. I am shocked and appalled that there ain't some better pictures of him on the google images. His ADW pic has him wearing a lion's head as a hat. Pretty damn cool:

the full statue with his horse trampling one dude and him 'bout to mash this other guy is good stuff too:

suppose I coulda used one of his shampoo commercial busts, but dude deserves a totally thugged out ADW, especially because lately his homosexuality or pedophilia or whatever has kinda overshadowed some of his awesomeness. Genghis Khan can have an unintimidating pic because his reputation precedes him. That he looks like some mild-mannered guy on a bus almost makes him even more awesome:

Μέγας Ἀλέξανδρος, however needs the emphasis to be placed upon his conquering and slaughtering and subjugating and ass-kicking. It wasn't for his sexual prowess that he is known as "the Great"

. . .

these past few ADWs I've had to completely rerecorded the audio. Nezahualcóyotl mighta come out on the first take, but seems like lately there have been lots of rewrites and changes made after the initial recording and editing. Like I'll finish and then go back and do it again. That sucks. I like doing it and having it be done. Unfortunately, now I've evolved to the point where I like it to be done well. Coupla months ago I woulda just uploaded anything to the youtube and been done with it. The fun is in learning 'bout dude and his era or field of expertise and then writing a humorous summary of his accomplishments and setting it to pictures. That is a lot of fun. Having an idea and then finding a google images picture that matches it perfectly. Me giggling as I watch my youtube is more reminding myself of how much fun I had than anything else

now, much as I still enjoy all the creativity, the end result is also important to me. Suppose earlier it was also more a matter of churning out a dude a week as well, wheres now I opt for quality over a consistent quantity. The video you see here is the good one, but I also uploaded the draft one. Put a whole bunch of notes on the description too, not that I think anyone really cares, but I reckon it doesn't hurt to document the process. Kinda like the director's commentary on the deleted scenes portion of the DVD

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[1]um . . . 張騫 left on his mission when he was 57 and didn't return until he was 70. Isn't that a bit older than Indiana Jones or Cap'n Kirk?
stupid questions are supposed to go in the intro, not the footnotes. Plus Indiana Jones was 58 in that horrible Shia LaBouef meets Jar-Jar Binks nuke the fridge movie. And was played by a 66 year old Harrison Ford. Cap'n Kirk was 60 in the Generations movie played by a 63 year old William Shatner. So shut up

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